Focusing on Truth

At times we can get caught up in fighting the devil constantly. We talk about all the lies that he puts in our minds, lies like it’s our fault that our son died, or if only I had done this, or if only the doctor had done things different he would still be here.  We are just focused on all the things the devil throws our way. The Bible says resist the devil and he will flee from us. It says he will flee so why then do we sometimes spend all day and all week and always fighting the devil is it maybe because we are focused on the lies and just resisting them without using the truth in return. If we have our shield of faith ready and with confidence hold it up and every dart just hits the shield the devil does flee, he hates a fight where he loses every time. We say the devil puts these lies in our mind and we cannot listen to him, but do we grab our belt of truth and speak the truth instead.

Tim Keller says: “This is something all people in the midst of suffering and trials must remember. Yes, we must listen to our hearts. We must learn what we can about ourselves by an honest look at our feelings. But we must not only listen to our hearts, we should also talk to them. We should listen for the premises of the heart’s reasoning, but we should challenge those premises where they are wrong, and they often are. We may hear our heart say, “It’s hopeless!” but we should argue back. We should say, “Well, that depends on what you were hoping in. Was that the right thing to put so much hope in?”

“Where do we find a true picture of Who God is? When our hearts have been ripped open and when we cannot breathe because it hurts too much and when all we can ask is why? Why? Why? Why? Why?...then instead of struggling with questions that we don’t and may never have answers for; as a family and a community, instead of asking those questions could we settle in on some statements that we know to be true and that we know to be brilliantly strong?  And anytime your brain, your emotions and your thoughts begin to ask questions that you don’t have answers for could you replace those questions with statements that are true.” I am quoting our pastor on Roderick’s celebration service.  This is one of the things he mentioned more than once in our home and it has helped me a lot.  Focus and what you know is true and do not allow yourself to go to all the questions and doubts that you will never have answers for.  The three statements that he mentioned in the service were: 1. God is an intimate God, up close and personal. 2. God is grieving with us; He also misses having my boys here on earth serving his kingdom. 3. Heaven is for real; we will see and meat the boys again. 

Whenever all these lies, questions and what ifs come to my mind, I shake those off and go to the statements I know to be true. We have enough truth to focus on, we do not have to listen to lies.  

 I find it helps to not even allow the devil to come close at all, as soon as the lie is thrown at me from a distance, I say “The truth is...” When I go to the board game café to celebrate and remember Tyler it’s hard that he’s not there, it’s even painful to see that all his friends are there and enjoying each other’s company while their mother’s watch them with pride and my son is missing but I don’t’ even allow myself to think those thoughts. The truth is my son is not missing he is with us and we are celebrating him.  He is in heaven, in the spiritual realm where there are no lies, he is cheering us on. He is much happier than we are, and he is not missing out, just because my sons were able to go to heaven early does not mean they are not alive and happy.  Just because they went to a different country called heaven does not mean they are not real. So, I do not allow that lie even to come close, I resist it as soon as it comes and then I rejoice that so many amazing friends remember Tyler and have been so profoundly impacted by his life.

“I can’t do it, it is to painful” is something you hear a lot especially from grief stricken parents, I’ve said it myself and I’m not saying that there are no appropriate times to say this but I wonder if many times we say this because we have allowed the lies to become so loud in our hearts that the truth is too faint.  We need to speak back to our hearts with the truth as soon as those lies are thrown at us while they are still faint from a distance. I try not to tell people that Roderick should be here, or it’s not fair that Tyler can’t graduate because it’s not the truth, the truth is they are where they want to be and they had a far more wonderful graduation then any of their friends will have.  Now I do not mean I do not struggle with these things and that I do not tell my friends that it is painful for me to celebrate Tyler when he is not here in person.  It is hard and painful here on earth, and yea the truth is that those lies are always lurking in the background ready to attack, so much so that by the end of an evening of celebration I feel drained and am glad the event is over.  There are times where I allow myself a good cry wanting my boys to be here but then I go back to the truth and I refuse to forget that my sons are celebrating and happy and that they are not missing out. And I think about the fact that for me to just wish them back is selfish and that it is quite alright for me to suffer a bit, but my boys are not suffering and that is more important.

So I look at it this way, if the devil throws a dart at me I turn my shield towards that dart, if another comes I do it again but if every dart hits my faith the devil runs very quickly and I can turn towards and focus on my Saviour and he brings incredible comfort and light in the midst of darkness but those lies need to be hushed for that to happen.     


If you are new to this blog and wonder what happened to our boys you can find it in the post titled Our Story, on the web version it is featured on the right side of the screen.