Put Action to Your Grief

Put Action to Your Grief

  

Just recently we had a meeting to plan the Roderick Rempel Street Hockey Tournament for this year and Sheila made the expression it helps to put action to grief, which stuck with me.  I remembered how in the past putting action to grief had helped and since hearing that it has helped me when things get hard to put some action to grief.

   Not long after the accident Angeline was having a rough week.  She missed Roderick and had a hard time overcoming.  I was wondering what I could do for her.  The following morning during my devotions it hit me, I need to take Angeline to the cemetery.  When I think of Roderick I never think of him, as being at the cemetery so it took me a while to realize that going to the cemetery would help.  That morning I told Angeline that after school we would go to Roderick’s grave, we’d first buy some flowers to bring Roderick and then we’d go.  Her face lit up, she could do something about her grief. 

   Before Christmas I was thinking about whether we should do something at Christmas in memory of Roderick but everything I could think of seemed to just be too painful.  Until I talked to the hairdresser as I mentioned in a previous post and so we ordered some wristbands that said, “we miss you Roderick, Merry Christmas” to hand out at the gatherings as a small way to include Roderick.

   Getting ready for Christmas was hard.  It seemed everything we did was a reminder of Roderick.  Not being able to buy him gifts and having to leave him out of the lists was hard.     Then on the 27^th Christmas was over, now it should become easier but it seemed now the whole weight of the season came bearing down on me and I just sensed I needed to go to the grave.  I needed to do something, I could not continue like this.  So I went to the cemetery by myself and just cried my heart out. 

   A friend has posted a beautiful poem about heaven on Facebook and I thought that we should have read something like that in memory of Roderick but I knew that would have been just to much pain although it would have probably still been soothing after.  I think to myself, how can I be so weak now at Christmas when I had so much strength during Roderick’s funeral service.  I know God still gives me strength and I know He will heal us.  Maybe next year I can read a poem but this year part of my action to grief was just forcing myself to control my thoughts and not allow them to go to Roderick too often so that I could at last most of the time keep it together.

   I feel this is not the most encouraging post but I guess part of being real is also coming out with my weaknesses.  I do feel a lot better already then what I did a week ago.