This World is not my Home

This World is Not My Home

I need to stop just surviving and learn to live again, I need to find a way to better relate to everyday struggles. I cannot stay on this pole all my life when I could be on the shore living life and enjoying it.  So how do I do this.  How can I blend this changed person with a new perspective while still enjoying life on this earth?  I might have many more years here; kind of a waste if I want to spend it all on the pole, tiring as well. 

Angeline is extremely sensitive when it comes to how I feel. Its hard to get away with any kind of struggles without her sensing it.  And when she senses that I hang onto that pole and will not even look down she is upset. She will ask, “Don’t you want to see me grow up and see what I become in life?” I love to sing this song:

This world is not my Home, I’m just a passing through,

My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue,

The angels beckon me, from heavens open door

and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore. 

Chorus:

OH Lord you know I have no friend like you

If heaven’s not my home then Lord what will I do,

The angels beckon me from heavens open door

and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore

I have two loving sons just over in glory land

I don’t expect to stop until I shake their hand

They’re waiting now for me on heaven’s golden shore

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore

Just over in glory land, we’ll live eternally

The Saints on every hand are shouting victory

Their songs of sweetest praise drift back from heaven’s shore

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.

It is a great song but when I sing it and Angeline senses that I am not enjoying life she does not like it. She says it is sad.  God has not planned for us to live this life hanging on just waiting for the Lord to take us home. He wants us to enjoy this journey. And it would make me extremely sad if Angeline would just want to go to heaven and not enjoy her life here on earth. 

There is a balance.  Our physical bodies are made for this earth and we cannot function without time, air, food etc. but our spiritual beings are more real then our physical bodies and will live for eternity, that part of us will always long for more freedom then what this physical life can give us. Angeline will quite frequently mention the good old days when life seemed stress free. Really that is the same thing as me longing for heaven. We all long for more freedom from pain and stress and troubles.  This brings me back to the race of life, we will be much happier if we run the race then if we just sit down before it’s done and wait until the time has past and God comes and takes us home, crossing the finish line and running into the Saviour’s loving arms will be much better then being rescued from where we gave up on our race.

I must give a lot of credit to my daughter who keeps reminding me to keep running. The other day I said if I had the power to end the world, I would have done it already, Angeline was upset, why would I say such a thing. She wanted to live a life yet, I said growing up in heaven would be better. I wanted to see her grow up, but I don’t mind if that is in heaven, she wants to grow up here though. I didn’t understand why she was upset. She said, “I’m not afraid if the world ends but we shouldn’t want to make it end” and she’s right. In fact just two weeks ago I said in my blog how much better to finish our life even if it includes suffering because what happens in our suffering will also be a beautiful part of our life once we get to heaven.  That’s my daughter for you, even if there is suffering when she gets to heaven she wants a full life that is beautiful and her course on this earth finished, she doesn’t want it to end and not see the rest of her beautifully crafted life although she wouldn’t word it like that.  I want to be more like her.

I have no reason to stay on this pole, I can come down and enjoy life knowing that I can get back onto the pole anytime the water rises but if a tsunami hits unexpectedly and I end up in the deep waters I have nothing to worry about. God will rescue me whether it be taking me to eternal bliss or placing me on the pole himself and that I think might be blending those two parts of me but I still need to learn how to sensitively guide the perspective to our eternal reward. It would be easy for me to tell a mother who worries about lack of sleep, “Are you kidding me, why do you care if you get to sleep or not, it won’t make a difference a year from now and you’ll have plenty of rest in heaven besides you should enjoy being up with your baby because if it were taken from you you’d have plenty of time to sleep but still wouldn’t sleep wishing you could be up with your baby.” Even though this is easy for me to say this mother still needs to get through the night and the next day and we all know life is a lot harder if we don’t get the rest we need including grief but again we all have seasons where we don’t get enough rest that’s why we need to keep and eternal perspective. True and final rest comes in heaven when we cross the finish line, in this life we just stop for a quick drink and keep running but our Saviour never leaves our side and is always faithful to send his angels, in whatever form to give us the care we need.  In him there is peace and rest for our souls though our physical bodies are tired.

If you are new to this blog and wonder what happened to our boys you can find it in the post titled Our Story, on the web version it is featured on the right side of the screen.