I am God's Favourite

I feel like I am God’s favourite.  Not because I am so perfect but more so because I’m so imperfect and even though I mess up over and over and am so injured He just keeps showering me with love and going out of His way to comfort me. 

I had a significant dream in October of 2017 where I felt God giving me a small taste of the love we will experience in heaven. (I wrote about this dream in the post of 10/17/2017 called Dreams) After Roderick went to heaven, I studied heaven and read a lot of near-death stories, like 90 Minutes in Heaven and Heaven is For Real.  One of the things that often came up was the incredible love and peace that we cannot imagine here on earth but is in heaven.  That love became important to me. This dream was the first one I had that has had a significant impact on me.  This was about 10 weeks before Tyler went to heaven and now looking back, I am wondering if that was God preparing me for what was to come. He knew that there was no way Tyler’s passing would make any sense in any way and He did not want to leave us hopeless.  He saw my faith and confidence in Him, he was changing Tyler before our eyes.  He saw how deeply and with confidence I believed that as Tyler was getting clarity over the doubts and questions he had, with all the things he had been through in loosing his brother plus overcoming such low self-esteem, beginning to see who he was in Christ together with his personality of always esteeming others better then himself and taking care of others at the expense of himself, I saw so much potential in him.. I had been fasting and praying for Tyler in the months before he went, and I knew God had great things in store for Tyler. God knew this would be an exceptionally hard blow on us.

In this dream a lot of things that I had read about heaven were clarified to me as well.  I knew that was my family in the dream, I had never seen them before but I knew, which is what you will hear about heaven, you know the people even if you have never seen them before, whether it’s the grandmother you have never seen or someone from the Bible. Also, I could feel and knew they loved me and knew me, and it seemed like I was their favourite person. That doesn’t happen in this life at least not in that way, when you see someone you don’t just know that they love you deeply and know you well although God does miracles here on earth many times as well where you just sense the love of God in someone. That is a small taste of heaven.  Another interesting thing about the dream was that I was in front of the house, I was nowhere else and even though I had never seen the place before I knew it was my home and I knew exactly how the lake and dock looked in the back in fact I would recognize it in a photo if I ever saw one. (If you have not you might like to read that post).  I am not pretending to have been in heaven in my dream, I believe heaven will be more beautiful then that. This was just a normal place like any place on this earth, it was the feeling of love and being known for who I was on the inside that was exceptional. 

I know that it was my taste of God’s love and the knowledge I had gained of heaven that made me think of the peace and love Tyler was experiencing as well as knowing he was free from pain in those first moments when I realized he was gone, in the midst of the shock and devastation.

Amidst our suffering God has blessed us with so many beautiful things.  The relationship Angeline Jake and I can have is amazing.  We are each other’s best friends.  Heaven is so real to us, and I never doubt God’s love, He has revealed himself to me so powerfully, so to others these dreams might still be just dreams and I’m ok with that but to me they are not. Even if they are just dreams, I have learned a lot from them.  All this makes me feel like I am God’s favourite, but I know you are too.

Each one of them is my favourite child

My Aunt came to visit last summer. I hadn’t seen her in years and not since the boys went to heaven so we talked about our experience and of course God in the midst of all that and she made this expression, “If God had favourites I believe I would be His favourite.” I do not know if she will be reading this, but the thought entered my mind “what’s so special about you.” I knew that all she meant was how loved she felt by God, but I thought that was a strange way to put it.

Back in elementary Angeline wanted to be the teacher’s favourite.  She had a friend who she perceived to be the teacher’s favourite and she would like to be the one the teacher loved the most.  We’d all like to be the person who is loved the most by those close to us but it seems kind of selfish because obviously others have to be loved less; only one can be the favourite.
One day not long after I visited with my aunt I lay in bed pondering and God gave me a clear revelation “that is exactly how he loves me.” He loves me like I am his very favourite person, like I am the only one he loves so much. That is exactly what he showed me in the two dreams I had where he embraced me, it was like I was his one and only favourite. I read about someone who had a near death experience who said that when Jesus looks at you it’s like he loves only you, all the love in him is for you alone, although you know he loves everyone with that same love it seems like you are his one and only special one and in that moment that morning I realized that is exactly how he loves me like I am truly his favourite.

I told Roderick one time, "you are my best son." It was the first time I had said that and even I felt a bit guilty saying that. I could tell Angeline she was my best daughter but I could not tell the boys your are my best son because there were two. Roderick looked up at me surprised and shocked, feeling both special and a bit disappointed that I would have favourites. Surprised, he asked me if I really liked him the best. I told him yes I do but I tell Tyler the same thing, he is the best too.  His countenance fell a bit realizing that was really not that special if he weren't better then his brother and that is how it is here on earth. In order for us to be the best someone else has to be less then us but not so in heaven. It's hard for us to grasp how we could all feel like favourites.

I read this story in The Fight to Flourish by Jennie Lusko:

Recently, Levi and I were having dinner at a restaurant with another couple.  Our waitress had a beautiful accent.  When we asked, she told us she was from Romania.  Levi spent a month on a mission trip there when he was fourteen, and he still remembered a few phrases in Romanian.  Without skipping a beat, he told the waitress, “Iisus te iubeste”—“Jesus loves you.” 

Not knowing a thing about her, Levi didn’t know how she would respond.  But her whole countenance lit up. Smiling wide, she nodded and immediately replied, “Oh yes, I’m His favorite.”

I had never heard that said before. I am God’s favorite. I was hit by this young women’s confidence in God’s love for her. She didn’t just think she was His favorite: she knew.  The interaction left a mark on me, and I left the restaurant that night feeling like God had spoken just to me. 

Last trip altogether 10 weeks before Roderick went to heaven.
Our boys waking up in their hotel room

You’re My favorite, sweetheart.

He speaks this to you, too, but it’s something you have to realize on your own.  People can tell you over and over how special you are, but it’s something you have to believe about yourself.

And so the Lord used my Aunts words to reveal to me how confident we can be in God’s love for us and he used this waitress’s words to reveal it to Jennie, I’m hoping you can see that too. For me at this time I no longer doubted God’s love it just gave me a new depth to the revelation.  Whatever stage you are in, I hope you can say with confidence I am God’s favourite.

If you are new to this blog and wonder what happened to our boys you can find it in the post titled Our Story, on the web version it is featured on the right side of the screen.