Woe is me

Woe is Me!

If you have been blessed  and haven’t had to go through the pain of loosing someone very close to you at an early age, don’t feel you have to back off, you are a blessing to us who’ve been through that kind of loss.  And honestly those are the friends who have encouraged me the most, the ones who haven’t lost their own children and understand that they can never fully understand what I’m going through but they listen and try to understand, and although its true and I can say from experience that, we do not know what it’s like when one of our children passes from this life into eternity until it happens to us, it’s also true that any normal mom who loves her children knows that it would be horribly hard, in fact it seems impossible to those who haven’t been there yet for us who are there it is possible and so for me to be stuck in the illusion that no one understands who hasn’t been there is just totally unreasonable.  I’ve found that the encouragement and the admiration of the positive moms who haven’t been through this has been much more helpful then the pity of moms who know what it is.  That doesn’t mean that I do not feel encouraged by parents who have lost a child and come through victoriously, I admire them, they are an amazing encouragement but we don’t want pity we want encouragement and admiration.  Is admiration the right word? I’m not sure, it might seem a little cocky to desire admiration but its encouraging when people notice our strength and determination to walk through this victoriously even though we fail at it many times.  I’ve noticed this in Angeline as well.  She doesn’t want pity.  I’ve heard others say this who’ve lost loved ones and I agree it is hard to be around people who have a woe is me attitude when loosing a loved one. 

I have also found that us who have children in heaven, we want to talk about it.  Not necessarily always about our children in heaven but often about the pain and suffering we go through.  And so it has at times been hard for me especially in the beginning to talk with moms who are in the midst of grief because we both want to talk and be understood, now I know that seems selfish and I need to learn to listen even in the midst of my own grief which I’m trying to do and is easier at this point already, but I’m saying this to thank all of you who were willing to come over again and again to listen to me.  Even though you haven’t experienced this you wanted to know what we were going through and how we coped but especially also how God in His love came to comfort us, those are the experiences that I love to talk about the most.  How God sent dreams and revealed His great love in so many ways, as well as revelations and imaginations about heaven and my sons’ lives up there now.  I find that I have many friends who really want to know how I’m doing it and what makes it possible for me.  Being able to talk about how God is helping us through helps me go through the dark days.  Every time I get to share our victories I’m just filled with gratitude for what God has done for us in the midst of our pain, it helps me to believe that the sun will shine again, this will eventually be able to be something beautiful like gold purified by fire.  God will work it out for good and we will become better for it. 

And so I would like to encourage all of you out there, don’t be afraid to walk with someone who is going through suffering, its true some aren’t open to it and have a woe is me attitude so if they are upset at you wanting to walk with them thinking you can never understand them don’t let that make you feel like you’ll never try again.  Don’t be afraid to ask how we are doing it. 

And to us moms who are grieving let’s not do it with a woe is me attitude.  We are not the one and only group of people that has been hurt so bad by the lost of our son or daughter that no one can understand or help us.  There are many people on this earth who go through much more pain.  We have a lot to be thankful for especially if we have the confidence that our children are in heaven where they are surrounded by peace, love and happiness in the presence of our Savior who didn’t just bear them in his body like we did in our womb but he’s the one who meticulously formed them in our womb and created them.  He is well able to take care of them and we know we will see them again. 

Just a quick disclaimer before I end this post, to those of you who’ve seen me at my worst, I’ll admit I have had times where I’ve had a woe is me attitude, I’m not trying to have a holier then thou attitude here, but please don’t back off.  Give me some grace in those times, I will try my best to be the person I claim to be.

If you are new to this blog and wonder what happened to our boys you can find it in the post titled Our Story, on the web version it is featured on the right side of the screen.