In a Bubble

In a Bubble

In a Bubble

Its been quite the month.  When all this started I rejoiced that Angeline would be at home for three weeks over spring break rather then one week but after so many things seemed to happen in a week, school closed, all social events closed, all entertainment closed it seemed things were changing to fast, I was beginning to feel a bit down, not scared or fearful but it seemed my mood was just being pressed down a bit.  It all happened the same week which marked the anniversary of Roderick’s passing and Tyler’s birthday which is a bit of a heavy week anyway.  Angeline works as a cashier at a grocery store so her job won’t stop which is a good thing, I knew that she would need to get out of the house a bit from time to time.  A couple of times I felt a little anxiety thinking what if Angeline catches the virus due to working as a cashier and what if hers were one of the rare cases that was fatal.  I could not loose another child. 

 One morning I thought of Revelations and what if the end of the earth is here.  I don’t believe that this is the end of the world but at the same time it brought me joy, not the thought of people dying but the thought of this world ending, pain and suffering gone and eternal joy beginning.  We even talked about it and agreed if we could all three of us go together it would be the best thing ever.  I know that you have a million reasons why that wouldn’t be a good thing, there could be a lot of suffering before, perilous times come and so on, I realize that and I don’t wish death on any family but just the thought of all of us being able to go to heaven.  It seems we could endure quite a bit of hardships if we only knew it would end in bliss.  What I’m trying to say is the thought of this world of pain ending and all of us living in eternal bliss together with the ones who’ve gone on before that is a joyful thought.

Since then I’ve felt peace, I’ve even found a renewed peace in the fact that we might not all die at the same time.  As I’ve said before I’ve dealt with a lot of anxiety over Angeline and feeling like we could not loose our daughter in any way, there’s no way we could survive that again while at the same time knowing more then ever that we don’t know if we will have her tomorrow, there is no guarantee.  I’ve asked God to let me stay longer because Angeline and Jake cannot handle anymore pain.  I still want that, I know in light of eternity our life down here is a small price to pay and I want to stick around a bit longer to help my daughter in any way I can but I also know that if Angeline gets to go home at a young age I can endure that and rejoice with her for entering eternal bliss and I can still survive and give my life here on earth to God as long as God wants me here because the death rate so far is %100 we all get to go into eternity eventually.  I’m also assured that if I go first Angeline will be fine.  God will take care of her even if I’m not here (as I’m saying this I’m not a hundred percent sure I mean it but even so, it’s the truth), it will be painful for a bit, but God will take care of her.  And we will be reunited. 

In a Bubble

I feel like this whole corona virus thing shows me that God truly has the final authority in this world.  I know that is how it is in our home, with the boys going to heaven we have no choice but to put our faith in God in order to endure but the rest of the world seemed to think that they the people had the world under control.  Now I don’t mean all of you, I have amazing Godly friends and there are many of them on this earth, but I mean the world as a whole.  Now I feel like God is showing the whole world that He is the final authority not so much by the creation of the virus but healing or ending it.  The whole world is affected and even the most powerful nations have no control over it unless their people obey and listen to authority and even then with all the efforts of social distancing it’s still very hard to know what the future holds and how long we’ll deal with this.  I’m not trying to say that sickness and death is a good thing and that I’m glad for it.  My heart goes out to every sick person and especially to all who have lost loved ones, but I feel a peace in the authority of my Savior.  I believe a lot of good will come out of this crisis and I’m excited to see what the Lord will do.

Jake and I listened to Pastor Greg Laurie’s message yesterday.  This is what he said “the devil may have thought I’ll cause anxiety by shutting down business, schools, sports events, restaurants and most importantly live worship services but then the Lord would say in response, I’ll bring together neighbors and restore the family unit, I’ll bring dinner back to the kitchen table, I’ll help people to slow down their lives and appreciate what really matters, I’ll teach my children to rely on me and not the world.  I’ll teach my children to trust me and not their money and material possessions finally I’ll teach families to read the Bible and pray together again.

God is still in control in our lives but only if we allow Him to be.  I am one of the people who have learned to trust God even more through all of this.  I feel like God has put our family in this bubble.  The storm is raging but it can’t touch us.  I don’t mean that we are immune to the corona virus or that we won’t get sick.  I hope we won’t but what I mean is while so many out there are scrambling, nervous and even scared, I feel at peace and know that we are in the hands of our loving Savior who cares so deeply for us.  That doesn’t mean that it’s not lonely at times and a bit depressing to stay home so much but I can always come back to the loving arms of my Savior at peace and O so grateful that we are altogether as a family safe in the bubble while the storm rages.  Whatever may be ahead He will not leave us for a single second. 



If you are new to this blog and wonder what happened to our boys you can find it in the post titled Our Story, on the web version it is featured on the right side of the screen.