My Birthday

   “Happy Birthday, mom!”  Did I ever long to hear those words from Roderick this week. 

   On Sunday my sister-in-law asked me if this was going to be another tough first this week.  I didn’t think it would?  It was my Birthday not Roderick’s that we would be celebrating and growing up we had never made big deals out of Birthdays.  The day started great too but in the afternoon when I was alone I was overwhelmed with a longing to hear Roderick say Happy Birthday to me again.  Last year he gave me a napkin holder that he had made in woodworking.  He also gave me a card in the card the writing said how the more he learned about himself and the more he saw of the world around him the more grateful he became for his mother.  He wrote the word true and drew and arrow to that.  But what touched me the most is that he called me mommy in the card.  Roderick would frequently still call me mommy.  I always felt that was his way of telling me that out in the world he was looked upon, as a very energetic and tough hockey player but deep down he was still my little boy that needed me.  I missed him so much and I cried my heart out but I also knew that it was very important to Tyler and Angeline that I have a wonderful birthday.  They did everything they could to make me feel special.  Both of them had bought very meaningful cards.

   Back just before mother's day I read an article about a mother who spent some time grieving beforehand on mother’s day when she lost her daughter so she could still enjoy the day with her family.  So I decided to do that.  I decided I would allow myself to cry but when it came time to pick up the kids from school I would pull myself together and enjoy a wonderful celebration with the rest of the family.  That is easier said then done but I did it although I had to literally push any thought of Roderick aside. 

   When going to bed I told Angeline I had missed Roderick and she commented, “I saw that you were sad.”  I guess I didn’t do as well as I thought.

   I remember when Roderick was in grade 7 he made plans with a friend on my birthday and Jake tried to convince him to come home instead because it was mom’s Birthday but he chose to hang out with his friend.  I didn’t mind he was after all a 12-year-old boy; mom’s birthday was not the most important thing on his mind.  I also remember that both Angeline and Tyler felt bad thinking that I would feel sad because of it but I assured them it was fine.  When Roderick returned home he also felt sad that he hadn’t been there for my birthday.  I remember another experience in Grade 7.  I got a phone call from Roderick one time.  He was in school and I wondered what he would need.  I answered and I heard him chatting with his friends when I said hello.  He paused long enough to say “Hello mom?” I said, “Yes?”  He answered “I Love You!”

   “I love you, too.  What do you need?” I said

   “Nothing, I just wanted to tell you that I love you”

   “Really, that’s really sweet of you”

   “Bye”

   Before he hung up I heard him chatting with his friends again.  I thought 'what kind of 12-year-old boy does that'.  For all his friends to hear he calls his mom just to say I love you.  That's Roderick, both experiences indeed very Roderick.

Friends Remember

Roderick, you are such an amazing carefree guy, I remember how you always came to school everyday with a smile on your face.  You were always cracking jokes and making people laugh.

I will always remember the time we were playing soccer in your back yard and you kicked the ball so hard to the sky that we couldn’t see it anymore than out of nowhere it came down and hit your neighbours roof.  I will never forget that face of  ‘o shoot, what do we do” we rock, paper, scissored to see who would have to hop the fence to get it. Thank goodness I won.

We were jumping on the trampoline together and Roderick decided to take a big jump to double jump me and I went flying over the mesh but I just managed to grab the mesh then without hesitation he helped grab me and pull me back before I hit the ground saving me of the fall although he did decide to grab the hose and spray me with ice cold water.  We loved to snowboard together, I remember us snowboarding down a black diamond trail and tried to snowboard around the bike trail and because he was the most daring he went first which lead him plummeting off a 20 foot cliff of rock only to be sitting at the bottom laughing because he was ok and he knew I had to go next and there was no other way down.  Not sure how he made it uninjured with all that speed but then again he was the toughest guy I knew.

Roderick you were the happiest guy I knew, always had a smile on his face and also put smiles on everyone else’s face.  Thank-you for making retailing funny.

Roderick, I can’t believe you are gone but I am glad that you are in heaven.  The canoe trip we went on last summer really showed who you were, always being the first one to do something scary like jumping off of the island into the water.  It will never be the same without you and I will never forget all the good times we had together.

Dear Roderick, We have so many amazing memories, After one class you held me down, I expected you to hit me softly you pounded on my arm, until I couldn’t feel it.  Than I was hitting you gently, than you made me hit you as hard as I can, and you barely felt it.  Miss you Rod, rest easy bud!

The first time I went to the farm was for “take your kid to work day” and he loved showing me around the farm.  When we actually started working he started chucking eggs at me and after he made me clean it all up.  Another time we were at the farm he had to move the dead chickens into the compost and I of course was too scared to move them and he just started chucking chickens at me.  I have so many crazy and stupid memories with Roderick.