New Normal

  

While working in the shop on his country home in Bolivia when Jake was 16 years old he lost the better part of 2 of his fingers.  He was working with a wood plainer when the piece of wood back fired and his hand slipped and went into the machine.  This accident happened before I had ever met Jake so I don’t remember him having his full hand.  To me that’s part of who Jake is and I don’t even think of it every month.  Same with our Children, Roderick, Tyler and Angeline, although they enjoy the reaction at times when they tell dad to show his hand to their friends, to them that is a part of who daddy is.  Jake says though, not a day goes by that he doesn’t think about missing those 2 fingers.  I’ve challenged him on that on a couple occasions and he’s convinced that it is so.  Every day he is in some way reminded that he is missing those two fingers. 

   In the last 4 months since the accident that took Roderick from us, we have been told different things, some of which we have come to realize are true.  One expression was “it never gets easier, eventually the pain just becomes normal”.  I thought, “not at our house, it will become easier, we’re not living like this the rest of our lives”. 

   Though I stick to that I have come to realize we will have to get use to a new normal and we will always miss Roderick. 

   Missing Roderick is the same, in a way, as Jake missing two fingers.  I look at it more like missing a hand though.  We had three children now we have only two with us although we will always have three.  For a person who’s lost his hand it will be a daily battle.  Every day he will need that hand, every day he will have to find ways to do just normal daily things with one hand, it will be more difficult with one hand, even though I haven’t experienced it, I have seen people who have only one hand and they seem to be use to it.  It seems they have learned to do everything with one hand and they do it well, what they can’t do without the hand there seems to be some manmade attachment to help them, from the side it seems as though they would never miss the hand.  They are just as happy and have a life just as good as people who’s body is complete, so to speak.  After it’s healed they no longer deal with pain, except if they hit the scar or the sensitive area, at least so it is with Jake’s fingers.   But they constantly live with the fact that a part of them is missing, a part that they so wish they had.  They can have normal lives, they can be happy but they are never completely whole again and they will miss that constantly.  That is how I’ve come to look at missing Roderick.  We will heal, we will be happy and we will again live a normal life but it will be with a constant realization that a part of our family is missing it’s no longer complete here on earth.  Then we will have the occasional bump where we somehow hit the sensitive scar and we will cry out in pain but it will go over again.  And like a person with one hand, there will be occasional days where it will be hard to accept, say he applies for a job and doesn’t get it because he has only one hand, or he’d like to do an activity or sport that just isn’t safe enough with one hand.  On occasions like that he will go home and wonder why he couldn’t have a normal life like all his other friends.  So we will go through those times where we will struggle with the fact that we will never see Roderick grow up, we will never see him live all his many dreams.  After all, kids should burry their parents not the other way around.  But we will be able to have a happy, normal and fulfilled life.  In fact, if we allow, this tragedy can make our lives better, it can be turned into something beautiful, which I will share about in a future post, how our lives have been changed forever.

   

Last photo where our family is complete

Roderick will forever stay our 16-year-old son.  Even after Tyler and Angeline grow up and have their own lives and families, Roderick will still be our 16-year-old son.