My Two Boys

My Two Boys

            We have two sons that are so different yet so similar.  Tyler is almost done with Driver’s Ed right now and coming into the stage where Roderick was when he went to heaven.  Even though the two brothers are very different I also see so many similarities in Tyler that remind me of Roderick at this age.  My two sons, I love them both dearly, not to leave out my daughter, I love her dearly too but I’m talking about my sons today.

            When Roderick was in grade 2 and Tyler was in Kindergarten the boys would usually take the bus home from school.  We only had a 10 minute drive to the small town of Riverton where they went to school but on the bus it took them about 45 minutes to get home so whenever I had errands to run I would call the school and tell them not to get on the bus but that I would pick them up.  The bus kids were always dismissed before the town kids.  One day I had called the school that I would pick the boys up but for some reason they had only told Tyler.  As the buses were about to leave the secretary remembered that she had forgotten to tell Roderick not to get on the bus, she runs to catch the bus and calls Roderick off just before they leave.  Out walks a teary eyed but very relieved Roderick.  He had been so scared not knowing what to do because he noticed Tyler wasn’t on the bus and didn’t know what happened to Tyler.  Although on a normal day Roderick thought it was his job to toughen up his brother he also had a very sensitive and protective spot in his heart for his brother.  He didn’t sit with his brother or pay attention to him on the bus but he definitely knew if he was there.  Reminds me of another story, which my friend told me about her kids on the bus.  She had three boys on the bus two who were in high school and one in grade two.  One day her two older boys walked into the house after school but not their younger brother.  My friend asks her boys where their younger brother is and they have no idea.  She asks if he was on the bus and they have no idea either.  She calls the school wondering where her son is and they were sure he had gone home on the bus, the school calls the bus driver only to find out her son had fallen asleep and missed getting off the bus, quite the opposite story.

            In 2010 we moved to the city from our farm in Riverton.  We were mostly moved but were back on the farm to do some work yet just before school.  We had supper at my brother’s house and I had gone back home to the house, which was just down the road from my brother’s.  Jake had gone to the barn, which was on my brother’s yard and my brother had gone to unload a load of square bales in the bale shelter, our three kids and his oldest son had gone with him to play on the bales.  My brother had unloaded part of the trailer and needed it backed up to unload the rest.  The youngest three kids were out of the way on the pile of bales in the shelter so he told Roderick to back up the trailer.  The trailer was hooked to a small pickup truck.  Because the truck was a standard it started to back with a jerk but just before Tyler had decided to jump onto the trailer, just as he landed the trailer jerked and he fell between the trailer and the truck on his tummy with his face down.  The truck tire drove right over him.  The tracks were clearly visible on his back.  The tire drove unto his back underneath his shoulder blade on one side then over the other shoulder blade rubbing against the side of his head and ear.  There was dirt pressed into his teeth and ear but when the tire was over Tyler got up on his own.  My brother came running to him to make sure he was fine.  He was having pain in his chest but could walk so my brother led him to the barn where Jake was.  He opened the door and called Jake.  Jake answered he was almost done and would be there shortly so my brother answered “your son has been run over by a truck”.  In that case there was no more work and Jake came running.  He then took the truck and drove Tyler to the house where I was.  He told me what happened but knew no details.  I gave Tyler extra strength Tylenol and took him to emergency.  Tyler would start to cry but then stopped short.  He did this several times.  He said it hurt so bad he needed to cry but then it hurt too much to cry.  The drive to emergency was about 35 minutes.  On the way Tyler asked me to pray for him that the pain would go away.  I prayed for him and by the time we got to the hospital I had to keep him from falling asleep.

            Meanwhile back home Jake went back to my brother's to see what had happened that’s when my brother told him that Roderick had been the one driving the truck and Jake looked up to see Roderick still sitting behind the wheel not knowing where to leave himself fearing what had happened to Tyler.  Thinking about it I still cry with pity for Roderick that he had to sit there as a ten year old for so long.  Jake went to comfort him saying that Tyler would be fine.  He then went back to the house with Roderick worrying about Tyler the whole time.  He tried to figure out what he could do for Tyler to make up for what he had done.  He wanted to use all the money he had in the bank to buy Tyler a bike.

            Back to the hospital, Tyler was taken in by the staff there and strapped to a board to protect his neck, while I was taken into the office to answer questions.  There were two young guys working on Tyler and I could hear them questioning him.  I was a bit worried what they would do if they found out that a 10-year-old had been at the wheel and run over Tyler, I thought we might get in trouble but they never asked me.  I heard the young guys asking Tyler who had driven the truck, he told them his brother had, they asked how old he was and Tyler said “ten”.  But they never mentioned it again.  Tyler was taken in for x-rays and then brought back into the room to wait for the results.  The Doctor took a cloth and cleaned his face and teeth while chatting with Tyler.  When the x-rays were done he left Tyler and me alone for a bit to go look at them.  As soon as Tyler and I were alone Tyler started to cry not for pain but for Roderick.  He so much hoped that Roderick would not feel to bad because it wasn’t his fault.

            The x-rays were sent to the city to specialists for closer observation.  At the hospital Tyler was completely relaxed, I couldn’t tell that he was in pain anymore although if I asked his chest was still hurting.  When the Doctor came back in he said there was no damage and nothing broken.  He unstrapped Tyler from the board and told him he could tell his friends he was iron man, he could get run over by a truck and nothing happened to him.  Tyler said “that’s not the reason”.  “What’s the reason then? Asked the Doctor.  “Are you a Christian?” Tyler asked.  The Doctor said he was.  And Tyler said that was the reason, God had protected him.

            When Tyler got home he told Roderick first thing not to feel bad, Roderick was so happy to see him, for a couple days there they were best friends (I mean they were always best friends but brother best friends who play and fight together) but for a couple days there was no fighting and they wanted to play together all the time.   

            These are my two awesome boys; I can imagine the happy reunion they will have in heaven.

More About Dreams

More About Dreams

I find it interesting how often God will comfort His children who are grieving the loss of a loved one through a dream.  I have mentioned the verse in Hebrews before which talks about a great cloud of witnesses watching us run our race (see Hebrews 12:1).  I don’t believe there is sadness in heaven but I still believe our loved ones can see us but our struggles don’t make them sad, partly because most of the struggles if not all of them are based on the lies of the enemy and I believe they see the truth not the lies but also because they are not limited by the present, there is no time in heaven, if we make a mistake they can already see how God will use that mistake for something beautiful.  To them it is like seeing us run a race, when a racer runs up a hill he is huffing and puffing and every muscle in his body hurts but us fans, we don’t stand around crying because it is so hard for them, we clap and cheer them on and are happy for them, we know they’re ahead, they’re winning and that pain will be rewarded with a medal which will make the pain seem insignificant.  That in my opinion is how they look at our struggles.  Nothing we go through on this earth is anything more than a little muscle pain in light of heaven and the happiness in eternity.  Remember our loved ones live in that happiness and know what is waiting for us.  

But now back to what I started with about God comforting us.  God on the other hand took humanity upon himself when He came to earth and he is still fully human and fully God.  Therefore I believe He knows exactly what we are going through whether it’s based on lies or not and He understands our grief when we loose a loved one.  He goes out of His way to comfort us and like I said before I’m amazed at how often he uses a dream. 
Jake has at least two dreams which have brought him much comfort.  He struggled with the feeling that Roderick's body was underneath the cold dirt in the cemetery.  He knew that Roderick was in heaven but his mind would just be stuck with this image until one night he had a dream that Roderick had come back from heaven, everyone was so excited to see him but Roderick didn't know that he had been gone.  He was with his cousins, happy and excited and Jake had a problem getting his attention.  His Grandpa wanted to see him too.  This dream really helped Jake to change that image in his mind and again see Roderick as alive and happy.  
The next dream was just after our first Christmas since Roderick left.  This time he dreamed that Roderick had come back from heaven for just a bit.  Again Roderick was busy but Jake was trying hard to keep an eye on him because he knew that Roderick was going back to heaven soon and Jake wanted to ask him a couple questions first.  Finally he was able to get his attention and asked him "what happened in that room?" (meaning the night of the accident) Roderick answered "I have no idea, dad!"  Jake was about to ask what heaven was like but woke up before he could.

My uncle and aunt lost their nine-month-old son, years ago in South America, while on a trip.  He became sick there so they had to stay longer then they had planned.  Soon after the funeral they returned home.  My Aunt always struggled with the strong feeling that they had just left their son behind until one day in a dream Jesus came to her and gave her son into her arms.  He was healthy, warm and happy.  Jesus told her she could hold him for a while and then He would take him back with Him.  That was a huge stepping-stone to my Aunt’s healing.

Another young man was telling Jake how his father-in-law had died in an accident.  He had been separated from his wife and they had fights frequently.  With the way this couple was taught they greatly struggled with whether their father would be in heaven or not.  They so longed for the assurance that he was in heaven with Jesus.  One day the Lord gave them a dream.  In the dream their father called them on a cell phone, I’m not sure what the father’s message was but his voice became quieter and quieter on his way back to heaven and this was complete assurance for this young couple that their father was indeed in heaven. 

This to me was another very precious revelation.  You know, a lot of us have misbeliefs because of the way we have been brought up or whatever other reasons and even if our struggle is based on lies God still cares enough to bring us comfort, in fact, I think that all of us will realize in heaven that not everything was the way we believed it would be.  That’s one thing I want you to think about when you read my blogs.  When I right my imaginations, revelations, thoughts and what I believe I know that not everything will be so when I get to heaven or even a year from now I will look back and see some flaws in the way I believed today but I think that the Lord takes pleasure in the fact that we believe and meditate.  That is what brings faith, hope and love, these are what will remain for eternity not the details as to what we believe or imagine.  Even if we put God in a box He is willing to be there in that box with us and comfort us in our grief, if that makes any sense.  Mind you, He’s not just in the box He’s also outside the box with the rest of humanity contrary to what those inside the box often believe.  Some of us might be far off in what we believe about God and heaven, we all believe different things and often get caught up in all the details of what we believe or don’t believe about heaven, God and our loved ones who have gone on before but I don’t think God is so focus on those details, He looks for faith hope and love in the heart and whether all the other things we believe are exactly right or not is not so important to Him.  I think sometimes He finds these (faith, hope and love) in the hearts of people we think are far off in their beliefs.  A friend told me this week how she had lost a sister this year and she was finding dimes everywhere, to her these were signs her sister left for her, pennies from heaven she called it, this to me was a foreign belief.  Another time a friend mentioned how she would get the shivers and believed that was her dear friend giving her a hug but she was saddened by the fact that she had friends who did not believe it.  How often did Jesus say in the Bible “according to your faith be it unto you”.  Now I know that was usually healing miracles but could it be that God will use what we believe to strengthen our faith and bring us comfort?  If we believe in pennies from heaven will He have our loved ones drop us dimes, so to speak to comfort us or will our loved ones come and hug us in the form of shivers or a dream if that’s what we believe?  Maybe they are just dimes a neighbour dropped or just shivers or just to much pizza before bed but our faith brings us comfort because of what we believe.  Once we get to heaven it won’t matter anymore how that dime got there or if it was our loved one or God or an angel or just a lost dime, so why will we make a big deal about it could God not use our faith to comfort us and strengthen us in whatever way He chooses?  I think the saddest thing is if the Lord sends comfort over and over in whatever way it is but because of our lack of faith we don’t receive any of it.  So lets keep that faith hope and love real in our hearts, these are the things that will last forever.    

Dreams

DREAMS

Today on the way to hockey practice my daughter and I discussed dreams.  Our pastor also talked a bit about our dreams this morning.  He said that we always had to test our thoughts and dreams to see if they were true, noble etc.  I have many dreams and nightmares that I just discard because there’s no truth to them but I do not believe that this should cause us to discard the precious dreams God gives us. 

The discussion started with me asking my daughter if she could draw me a picture.  I wanted a long red brick house with a veranda all along the front and the roof covering the veranda.  Just a one-story building, no basement, no second floor.  This building was standing east and west, on the west end there was a concrete pathway leading south for about 50ft and there was a square red brick building which had a flat roof and a water tank on the top.  About 50ft west of the main house which I described first was another small house facing the main house with a covered veranda on the east side and from that building there was also a concrete path leading to the main building which connected to the path that led to the tank house.  If you could get a birds eye view of this, there were a lot of trees in the back.  To the north of the building and in amongst these trees there was a path leading to the north starting on the east side of the building.  This path was leading a little bit east but mostly north to a dock that was build onto a lake.  It was a narrow wooden dock with a bigger square patio type dock on the end.  On this dock there were several men, approximately 5 of them, working to save someone who had fallen into the lake a little ways from the dock. Is there someone out there who can draw this for me?

One of these five men was my husband some of the others were in-laws or maybe even my brothers.  They recovered the body and I remember it lying on the dock lifeless but it wasn’t anyone I knew and I don’t remember any sadness but only admiration for the bravery of my loved ones. In my dream I stood east of the tank house facing north and looking toward the house.  Out of the house walked my mother-in-law and towards the tank house stood my sister-in-law.  I knew who these women were, I knew they were my family and I could tell they knew me, it was this feeling of being completely known, not who people thought I was or who I wanted to be, simply me, exactly me, no hero or brat just me.  I could tell I belonged and was so loved by this family but I didn’t recognize them and had never seen them before.  My mother-in-law looked over at me, seeing the questioning look on my face, assuming I was looking for my husband, she said, “your husband will be back shortly’”.  I looked over to the little house towards the west knowing that was our home, my husband and mine, and saw my husband standing on the veranda looking at me with so much love.  I started walking towards him and he came to meet me.  We met on the concrete path close to the tank house.  I walked into his arms and he gave me such a loving warm hug.  Overwhelmed by the love, I started to cry and told him, “I know you are my family and I can feel the love but I have amnesia, I don’t remember any of you so you will have to help me”.  With that I woke up.  O man! Did I ever wish I could go back to sleep and feel that love again.

I meditate on this dream a lot.  Since Roderick moved to heaven I have often talked about the great love people who have visions of heaven or have gone to heaven when they died but then were resuscitated have felt.  That’s one of the things they all seem to have in common.  They talk about being loved and feeling loved with so great a love, greater then they have ever felt before, I know Roderick feels that love now too and he not only feels it but he also sees and knows that that same love is surrounding us whether we feel it or not.  I felt like God wanted to give me a little taste of this love with this dream. 

After I told my daughter this dream she told me she had a dream last night that Roderick gave her a hug.  “We were in an arena and walked into this dressing room.  Roderick sat on the bench and was undressing from hockey”. 

“He got up and gave you a hug?” I asked.

“Yes” she said.

I told her another dream that I had and she said that I had interesting dreams.  I told her she did too.  She often tells us about her dreams in the morning.

“But yours have meaning” she said.

I told her only because I meditate on them and think about what they could mean.  “It’s no different then yours when I wake up.  But when I meditate on them and think about what I can learn from them they become interesting with meaning.  I also have nightmares that are scary but I know those are lies so I discard them. 

That is so with everything in life whether they be dreams, thoughts, actions or whatever, we have to test them whether they are true, noble, just etc. and meditate only on those that are.

So to all of you who know Roderick out there, if you ever have a dream about Roderick or anything in that regard, (my dream didn’t have Roderick in it but is still a part of his story) even if it’s just two sentences, I would love to hear it.  It doesn’t matter if it seems important or not just anything let me know.  Lets see what kind of collection we can come up with.

Thanks for Your Support

First of all, I want to thank you all for coming out and supporting the second annual Roderick Rempel Floor Hockey Tournament.  I want to thank the committee for spending so much time planning and organizing and I want to thank MBCI and all the staff for hosting and supporting this event. Thanks to Mr Downie for coming back and MCing for us and to all the volunteers and teams that are involved, and who make this day so special. Thank you to everyone, this tournament means so much to my family and me.

I was asked if I ever felt that Roderick was watching over all of this.  I said of course, but I often believe he would be thinking, “all this because of me?” This reminds me of the time when Roderick posted on his Facebook page, “I may be unknown now, but eventually I will be unforgettable.” I know that he would be very humbled and thankful for this event and for the fact that this tournament raises funds to provide scholarships and bursaries to students who are not able to afford Christian education. I would like to thank you all for helping keep Roderick’s memory alive.

There is a verse in the Bible that has really become meaningful to me. In Hebrews 11, it talks about the great people of faith that have gone on before us and then it says, ‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, referring to the people who have gone before us. I believe Roderick is now one of that crowd of witnesses cheering us on in our race.  I made post cards for Roderick’s birthday with that verse on the front. I have extra copies if anyone would like one. They are by the table with the memorabilia and you are welcome to take one. 

I did not make a lot of resolutions for 2017; however I did make one.  I decided that in 2017, I would see something beautiful come out of this tragedy.  I saw this beautiful back yard, in it was a tree that looked like the trunk had split in half and half of it had fallen over.  Half of it was still growing the other half had become this beautiful table for flowers and greenery.  It was beautiful, I wish I had a picture of it but it reminds me of this storm of tragedy that has ripped through our family.  It’s not the norm to turn a fallen tree into something beautiful. Usually, it is cut up for firewood. All you see is a broken tree that looks so damaged, but it is possible to make something beautiful from it, and that is what I’m believing for. 

To all of Roderick’s friends, I know this tragedy has affected you as well. I encourage you to continue to strengthen your faith in the Lord and to know that you are loved. I also encourage families to love one another and to remember that life can be short, and to cherish each day you spend with each other.

Roderick’s mom

Rod's 2017 tournament

I read a quote sometime ago that said, “The time to make friends is before you need them!!”

Never before have we realized how important friends are, and how much kids can add to the parent’s circle of friends. So many of you here today we know because of Roderick.

Having this tournament is a huge honour for us as parents, and how much more for Roderick, how proud he'd be or is to see that his life here continues to have an impact on so many people. I’m often reminded of a discussion we had not long before his passing on really valuable art, so often the artist is not around anymore to enjoy the success, the comment Roderick made, he was quiet for a bit and then said "that sucks".  That is how we feel now too, it really sucks having these tournaments on one hand, but on the other hand it's a huge blessing and honour and may his short life here on earth continue to remind us of what kind of legacy we would like to leave.

Thank you so much for coming out so let's go play hard and have fun and just so you know the "Wolverines Old Boys Organization” are here today to take home the championship title.

Roderick’s dad