How I Deal With Fear

How I Deal With Fear

   I was at a conference yesterday and during the question and answer period a dear young lady got up and this was her question.  “I have gone through trauma and have found healing but my question is, how do I deal with the fear that this can happen to my children?”  I wasn’t one of the speakers who answered questions but being the introvert that I am, I still answer even if just in my mind.  That answer has been playing through my mind all day so here it is, even though I don’t know the young lady and she likely will never read this. 

   I never expected to have a child enter heaven at a young age.  I knew that accidents happen but I always thought that my faith was strong enough that it would keep God’s protection around my kids.  I believe that fear is the opposite of faith and I refused to let the fear of loosing a child into my life.  When Roderick was two and my in-laws were visiting us (they live in Bolivia) my father-in-law made the comment that Roderick was so full of energy and so daring he was not going to grow up into adulthood, he was likely to have an accident before that.  I did not like that and in my heart I said, “I’m not receiving that, my children will grow up to be successful adults”.  Even though Roderick was daring and took risks I learned from when he was very young that he knew his limits and how far he could stretch himself.  I wanted him to live life to the fullest and I didn’t want to be the one to always limit him.

   When other moms talked about their fear of something happening to their kids I felt bad for their kids.  I remember when Tyler was a baby and I helped in the nursery there was this one mom who brought her baby to class full of fear of what might happen.  She had all these restrictions concerning her baby.  One day one of the young volunteers dropped this baby.  She had never dropped a baby before, why would this happen to the one baby who’s mother was already so fearful.  After that she only allowed adults to hold her child, in her defence she did eventually come and apologize for that.

   If fear is the opposite of faith and if faith in God’s protection helps keep our kids from harm then wouldn’t fear open the door to harm?  The Bible is very clear that we should not fear.

   Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

   Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

   These are just two of many verses that command us not to fear.

   But I did walk into Roderick’s room one morning and found his body lifeless and his Spirit escaped to heaven so I guess my faith wasn’t enough or what would the answer be?  I don’t have all the answers.  One thing I know though the Bible hasn’t changed, God hasn’t changed and God’s Protection is still just as real as it was before Roderick went to heaven.  Our Faith in God must be stronger then our circumstances, we cannot base our faith on circumstances but I can tell you I have a far more real battle against fear now so this brings me to the question this young lady asked.  “How do I deal with the fear that something might happen to my kids”? 

   God’s Word is full of protection promises.  When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.  Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be at you side and will keep your foot from being snare.  Probers 3:24-26

   I like this verse because it so applies to me.  My fear is usually at night or when I go to bed because that’s when the accident took place. 

   When I feel fearful I ask God’s protection over my children.  I will pray that God will protect my children every night.  Then I counter the fear by thanking God for His protection until I can overcome the fear.  The Bible says to bring our requests to God with thanksgiving.  It doesn’t seem to me that God will be honoured by me begging for protection over and over, I wouldn’t be if my kids kept asking over an over when I had already promised it to them.  I also think there is power in thanksgiving therefore I choose to counter fearful thoughts with thanksgiving. 

   I have had a few nights where it’s been a real battle and I couldn’t sleep.  Sometimes I have gone to check on the kids in the middle of the night.  My son doesn’t appreciate this much but I think he understands, mostly I have been able to stay in control and overcome fear with the Lord's help.  The Bible says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Philippians 4:6

   I have had a few short periods of time where I would wait for Jake to wake up the kids just so I knew they were ok before I checked on them but mostly I look forward to waking them up in the morning.  Every morning the first time I hear or see my kids it’s like relief floods my body “they are ok”.  I will often open the door when I go to wake them up with just a little hesitation but also anticipation.  I could let fear take over every morning but I choose to be grateful instead.  Every morning the first thing I want to do is see my kids but I wait to go until it is time to wake them up at least usually I do.  Sometimes I peak in there rooms when I get up early.  Tyler will often get up on his own and hearing that click of his door opening or closing is a precious sound to me.  In my post on conflicting feelings which I posted not long after Roderick went to heaven I mentioned that I check on the kids at night fearful that something might have happened to them or is it gratitude that we still have them.  Now I choose to be grateful rather then fearful.  When I wake them up in the morning I am grateful that they are ok.  At the moment I feel like this has become a part of my life but I’m ok with it.  There is a new level of gratitude and joy that my children are truly under God’s protection.

   So that is how I overcome fear and have faith in God’s protection.  I ask Him for protection and then believe that I have it and thank Him for it.  Then refuse to allow fear in by meditating rather on His promises.