February 21 -March 19

February 21 – March 19

It will be four years ago tomorrow when Roderick went to heaven.  I remember when Jake and I got up to say something almost four years ago at the Roderick Rempel floor hockey tournament, it was emotional for me and took a lot of strength.  When I was done and left the stage Tyler was the first one to leave the audience and come to me.  I remember him saying ‘aw mom’, so compassionately.  That touched me deeply.  Today we’re also remembering him.  I know we all miss him very much but I always come back to the peace and love he is experiencing in heaven right now and I’m convinced the one most important message he would like to give us after having been in heaven is how much Jesus loves us all.  You might be struggling and might even have doubts and a lot of questions when it comes to God and heaven but deep in your heart just hold on to this ‘Jesus and His love are with you and never leave you through it all’.  (This was suppose to be part of my little Speech at the Board game Cafe which was postponed due to the Corona Virus yesterday the 13^th).

We are again in the middle of a meaningful yet tough time.  Three weeks ago, it was Roderick’s birthday on February 21.  Quite a few friends and family messaged and remembered his birthday.  A couple of Roderick’s friends dropped off some flowers.  Angeline and I spend some time looking at videos and photos of Roderick and remembering him. After school we had Birthday Cake for Roderick’s Birthday and Angeline started singing happy birthday to him.  Jake and I joined in.  Before supper we went to drop off the flowers at the cemetery and then went to Tony Romas for his birthday supper. 

Tomorrow three weeks later is the anniversary of his passing.  That is always a sad day.  We usually just spend it quietly but today we are first having the Tyler Rempel Board Game Cafe, so I have spent more time this week remembering Tyler and going through photos of him for the memorabilia at the cafe then Roderick.  It has been a sad week for me, I’ve cried a lot, I love to go through photos and remember all the good times with the boys.  Seeing their faces in photos is the only way to see them; well I guess there is my imagination as well and my memory, their images are forever etched in there, but photos help a lot.  Though I love to remember the boys and see photos it is also sad to be reminded what we are missing. 

Tomorrow it will be four years since Roderick went to heaven.  Slowly but surely, we are healing and slowly but surely, he fades into the past, but we know that he is not just in the past he is alive and well in heaven and his life is more real then ever.  We will be reunited and, on that day, he will come leaping back from the past and it will be like we have never been separated at all.  It is those spiritual eyes of faith that keep the boys alive and well in our hearts.  We are human beings and we live on this earth so humanly speaking we cannot help but seeing them fade into the past because their life on this earth is over but spiritually by faith, they stay alive and close by.  The closer heaven is the closer our boys stay.

On Wednesday the 18^th is Tyler’s birthday and sandwiched between Tyler’s birthday and the anniversary of Roderick’s passing is Jake’s birthday on the 17^th.  Therefore, we have a lot of different things to celebrate and remember and need to find a way to switch our moods from sad to happy and back to happy and sad together.

This post is a bit scattered, but it gives you a glance into our lives this time of year.  It’s a time that in some ways we wish we could miss yet refuse to miss and always want to remember.  It’s a time we long for people to remember while at the same time are relieved when it’s all over again for a year.  Jake has suggested moving his birthday and celebrating it some other time and all though it might not be the best time to do a big party Angeline and I still long to make him feel special on that day.  It reminds us in the middle sandwiched between two days of great loss how much we still have.  Someone who loves us, takes care of us, gives his everything to help us in our pain, longs to be able to take all our pain away, that birthday is special and it’s even special that it’s sandwiched between the two reminders of loss. 

I’m back to finish this post.  Today is the 14^th, the day Roderick went to heaven four years ago.  The Tyler Rempel Board Game Cafe was postponed because the government asked the school to cancel all social events due to the COVID 19 Pandemic.  I was going to wait to post this until I could say how that went but now, we will leave that on the back-burner and remember Roderick and all those special times with him which most often include Tyler as well.