Questions

I ask myself how was I sleeping peacefully while my son was taking his life?  I know I have a relationship with God, He could have so easily given me the intuition to go check on Tyler.  A lot of moms will talk about how they already had this awful or heavy feeling before they heard their son had died but not me.  I had nights where I felt I needed to go check on Tyler and I did, he was fine every time but this night I slept peacefully.    Also, what about all those weeks of fasting and praying and trusting God.  I had believed for 2017 that God would make something beautiful out of the tragedy we had experienced.  This is what I said in the blog I posted in June of 2017 and I quote “I did not make a lot of resolutions for 2017; however, I made one.  I decided that in 2017, I wanted to see something beautiful come out of this tragedy.  I saw this beautiful back yard, in it was a tree that looked like the trunk had split in half and half of it had fallen over.  Half of it was still growing the other half had become this beautiful table for flowers and greenery.  It was beautiful, I wish I had a photo of it, but it reminds me of this storm that has ripped through our family.  It’s not the normal thing to turn a fallen tree into something beautiful. Usually, it is cut up for firewood. All you see is a broken tree that looks so damaged, but it is possible to make something beautiful from it, and that is what I’m believing for.”   I could see this coming to pass as Tyler became this happy son and him and Angeline became close.  Then the year ended with him taking his life.

I remember years ago I was told about this woman of God who had lost her son through suicide that Spring.  Although I did not know this mother my friends who told me about this knew her personally and I remember them remarking, that if this mom did not see it coming, being so sold out for Christ then any mom could miss it.  I thought that was scary and told God, that I didn’t know this woman and would not judge her but I trusted Him that if my children would be hurting that deeply He would let me know and now I’m in the very same boat. 

Those months prior to Tyler’s death when I was fasting and praying for him, taking him to the therapist (I wrote about this in the post before last) I truly trusted God to work in Tyler’s life. I could see him working in Tyler and although Tyler dealt with many doubts and questions about God and the Bible, I could tell he was searching and I was convinced that together with our prayers and his searching once he would find the answers he would be the stronger for it and he would own his faith; no longer would it be just what mom and dad had taught him.  I felt God’s guidance and I felt Tyler was getting some clarity to his questions.  That doesn’t mean that I didn’t have my moments of fear and anxiety, but I overcame that with a strong faith.

I remember the first summer after Roderick went to heaven, I was in the backyard working and crying.  We seemed to be stuck in our grief.  Jake was really struggling every morning, you could just see the pain in his eyes and he could hardly smile, he’d usually snap out of it by lunch time but it was hard to watch, Tyler was dealing with a lot of doubts and I felt like my strength was running out.  I remember this thought came to me and I felt it came directly from God.  There is no rush, take time to grieve but I have a purpose for you all and this includes Tyler, he will come with you on this journey towards your purpose. 

So how do I now deal with all these unanswered questions.  Did I not hear God’s voice, or did I interpret it wrong?  Was my faith not as strong as I thought it was.  I don’t have all the answers, but I do feel through the way God has spoken to me that in some unknown, totally not how we see it, way he has answered my prayer. I don’t for a single second believe that God told Tyler to take his life but I believe that for some reason God decided that he would let Tyler come home and end his pain and maybe it was our prayers that made that possible.  Allowing Angeline Jake and I to deal with the pain of separation instead knowing that we could do it and it would still turn into something beautiful eventually. 

I have always been the kind of person that had to walk by faith and not by sight.  Now I know that’s true for all of us but I often envied people who could talk about some supernatural miracle or experience or how they felt the peace of God coming over them etc.  One time when I questioned Tyler about his relationship with God while he was dealing with so many doubts, he said that God didn’t answer his prayer when he prayed and if He did answer it, it would have happened anyway and I thought that’s just so much like me.  I had to train myself to look for those answers to prayer because they never seemed obvious now I did have times like I mentioned earlier where I had a thought that I felt came directly from God but there to I had trained my self over the years to notice a thought like that and then receive it as from God. 

After Roderick went to heaven I really dug deeper and searched earnestly, I felt God close by and felt my faith come alive.  I studied heaven and the love of God which the Bible says we cannot fully comprehend here.  I had three healthy children and had never expected to lose one so young and now I needed to make sense of the loss and the pain.  In my search I found that I had not lost a child but rather had seen my son’s dreams become a reality early and heaven became such a real place where we all want to be someday.  I realized that I had far overrated our life on earth and far underrated heaven but still there was no supernatural dream or vision or experience it was just feeding on God’s word allowing it to take root in my heart and it became real and alive.  After Tyler went to heaven, I have had quite a few supernatural dreams where I know they come from God.  I believe that God sent me these to help me understand that even though in our humanity this looked like a slap in the face and felt like the opposite of what I had believed for and fully trusted Him to accomplish, He wanted me to know that even though I don’t have all the answers (I will get those when I get to heaven) for now I just trust that He answered my prayers and in some unknown way I was not wrong in what I believed for.  I do not doubt God’s love for me, nor do I doubt heaven or whether I will see my sons again.  I often say I live with one foot already in heaven.

I would also like to take this opportunity to encourage those of you who wish your faith would be more alive or that you would have supernatural miracles or dreams and visions etc. Take heart, keep believing and searching just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean your faith isn’t alive.  One day those experiences will come if not here on earth then in heaven and trust me you don’t want to go through what I had to go through in order to get those, not that I believe that you have to go through that in order to experience this but I’m just saying faith is called faith for a reason and don’t ever give up because you aren’t experiencing enough just keep believing.

Tyler

I could share a lot of things about Tyler starting when he was very young but let me just start by saying that Tyler struggled with low self esteem.  After Roderick went to heaven Tyler was very sensitive and wanted to do stuff with us.  I think he realized how precious family is.  But then he sunk into this sadness, he rarely smiled and didn’t say much other then what he needed to say in everyday life. He always had his group of friends though, he never felt that he had no friends, but he spent a lot of time by himself doing his own thing.

In the spring of 2017, Tyler started coming out of his shell.  Wanting to have friends over, building a tree house with dad etc.  That summer he did a lot of biking, His friend and he would meet halfway and bike to either one of their houses and hang out.  This is what I posted not long before Tyler passed away and I quote “One day Tyler comes to Jake and me and out of the blue says, “we should get a pool”.  He added that he wanted to start having friends over more often and it would be nice to have a pool.  That same day Angeline comes and says the same thing without knowing that Tyler had brought it up.  Not to long after that Tyler said we should get a tree house built, that should be our project for the summer, so as a family we started dreaming about it.  We discussed whether it would be wise to build a pool unto this yard because it doesn’t raise the value of the property.  We bought an old house six years ago and renovated it but it hadn’t ever really been our intention to make this a long-term home, this was just what we could afford at that time.  So we started looking for a house and enjoyed dreaming as a family again.  We bought a house in September.  This will stretch us financially and even though we are big on financial freedom I think it will be good for us to work hard to get ahead financially.  We needed a kick in the butt to say get up, work hard, make it work, start dreaming again, and have a reason to plan. We still struggle with dreaming and planning many times but we are excited about moving in February and it is great to dream again.”  I feel like Tyler was the one who got us dreaming again.

I was looking forward to the school year and so was he, I was sure things would be different now but only a week or two into the school year I could sense a heaviness on him and I sensed it wasn’t going as well as he had hoped.  I started to pray earnestly for him. 

Not long after that he shared with me that he thought he had social anxiety, he had researched it online and there was medication he could get for that.  I didn’t think he needed medication, I thought he just needed to realize that it wasn’t easy to socialize after having withdrawn himself for so long but I also thought this would be an opportunity to get him into counseling and then maybe he would be able to open up and talk about his brother’s death as well. 

The family doctor agreed with me and so he started counseling.  At this time, I started setting aside one day a week to fast and pray for him.  Every time I took him to counseling, I prayed that God would do a miracle and that Tyler would see he could beat this without medication.  Looking back now I’m not even sure why that was so important to me.  After only a few sessions the counselor suggested using a bit of medication and asked how I felt about it.  I said I wanted to do what he thought was best.  I would have liked to do it without medication.  He asked Tyler if we could try to go without it a couple more weeks.  Tyler agreed. 

Two weeks later, still hoping God would do that miracle, I asked him if he still felt he needed medication.  He looked at me and then looked down and said, “I’m good with what you want mom” but he had the most defeated look on his face as if there was no help for him and I decided at that moment that I would agree to medication.  I said “God, I prayed for a miracle and it didn’t happen so now I go forward believing that medication is your plan”.

On December 11, he had his last appointment with the counselor.  He was doing so well; he had already gone to a movie with a group of friends including some he hadn’t hung out with before and was planning a Christmas party with his friends that Friday where they wanted to decorate gingerbread houses and other activities.  The counselor agreed that he was doing so well he didn’t need another appointment.

That Thursday he seemed down, he had to postpone the Christmas party because there were too many of his friends that couldn’t make it, that wouldn’t usually bother him though, and he said it didn’t.  That same week he also said he would like to start taking his medication in the evening because he felt like it took until lunch before it worked.  I was surprised because I thought he was doing so well but the doctor had said it didn’t matter if he took it in the morning or evening, so I didn’t really care.  I started giving it to him just before bed.  The following day he came home from school looking unusually tired.  I asked him what was wrong, he said he was fine. 

Tyler fell asleep doing homework, this was one of the three
days he came home so tired

He lay down on the couch and fell asleep. This happened three days in a row and then he said he wanted to go back to taking his medication in the morning, this isn't working, he said: so we did.  Whether his tiredness was due to the medication or not I don’t know. 

After that he seemed more himself although I could tell he wasn’t back to where he had been.  On Tuesday he asked to stay after school to watch the drama class practice I said he could but then he’d have to come to Angeline’s hockey game because I didn’t have time to drive him home in between.  He was fine with that.  He watched Angeline’s game, Angeline scored in that game, it was special that Tyler got to watch her score a goal.  He didn’t come to her games much.  When we got home Angeline excitedly showed off the Christmas sweater, she had gotten for the Christmas event the following day at school.  Tyler said he wanted one too.  Angeline said they got all four of us one.  He liked one of them and I thought it would look so great with his olive pants.  I was so excited.  We had our Tyler back.  It was a long time since he’d been excited to dress up for something.  The next morning, he didn’t come up dressed for the event though, I could tell the excitement of the night before was gone but I didn’t make a big deal of it.

After school when Tyler got into the car, I asked him how the Christmas event had been he said good. Then he asked if we could go pick up helium for the Christmas Party.  He said he was planning to have the party on the 28^th or 29^th now.  I asked, “right now?”  He said yea.  I didn’t mind, we bought helium before and I was impressed that he wanted to go shopping with Angeline and me.  He’d usually just want me to pick stuff up for him.  The three of us went to the party store to buy the helium and went home.

When we got home, he had a big plate of food.  Jake, Angeline and I watched Survivor downstairs while he was on the computer in the room beside us, what he was doing I don’t know but when we went upstairs, he soon came up with his blanket.  That was strange.  I asked him what he wanted with his blanket it was really time for bed.  He said he wanted to sleep upstairs this night, I asked what he had said but then he said, “I’m cold downstairs I just want to lay down on the couch and warm up then I’ll go to bed”.  I puzzled a bit over the fact that he changed his answer and what he had originally meant.  Jake asked him if he wasn’t feeling well, if he should make him a citron.  He said he was fine.  I made him a mint tea and brought it to him, I often did that for him before bed and asked him again if he wasn’t feeling well and if he wanted an Advil.  He said again he was fine he would just warm up and then go to bed downstairs.  Jake and I said good night and went to bed. 

Not long after that we heard Tina (our niece who lived with us) come in, she had worked a late shift.  Then we heard Tyler get up and I heard him go to the broom closet and open some drawers in the cabinet then went downstairs and I fell asleep.  Tina later told us when she came in, he had seemed completely relaxed on the couch and had said hi. 

She went downstairs and got ready to shower when she came out of her room Tyler and her had both been on the way into the bathroom and Tyler had said she could use it first.  After she was done she heard Tyler go in and then go back to his room, she had seen that the light in his room was still on so she knew he hadn’t gone to bed.  She got ready for bed when she heard what sounded like loud breathing.  She got up and put her ear to her door to listen but then had concluded that he must have been very tired and fallen asleep with the lights on and was now snoring.  This was around 11:30. 

December 21 started like any other Thursday morning.  I got up a bit later then usual close to 6:30 and made a pot of coffee.  I was going to spend some time for devotions but after a little bit decided to go switch on Tyler’s light so he could wake up slowly.  I usually wake the kids up at 7 but Tyler had recently asked to wake him up a bit earlier, so he had a little extra time to get ready.  I walked downstairs and noticed that all the lights had been left on, which was strange.  Then I glanced over at Tyler’s bedroom and saw the door was open and the lights were on so he must have gone to shower already.  I glanced over to the washroom and saw the door was open, he wasn’t in the shower, then I went to check out his room.  It was empty, now my heart was starting to pound, I felt like another nightmare was beginning, the only problem, I couldn’t wake up from it, I was already fully awake. 

Since Roderick’s passing if anything isn’t quite normal in the morning, we always had to really be careful that we didn’t panic right away so I told myself, he’s going to be OK, he can’t just disappear.  I glanced over at his computer room, which used to be Roderick’s bedroom and saw the lights were on, but the door was closed, so he must be in that room.  I walked over to the door and the door was locked, this was strange, Tyler never locks his doors.  I called him but he didn’t answer.  I figured he must have fallen asleep, so I called louder.  I went back upstairs to get something to unlock the door knowing that was not the easiest door to unlock.  I debated if I should tell Jake, but I thought “no reason to panic, he must have fallen asleep in his computer room, he wasn’t the easiest kid to wake up.

I went back downstairs to try and unlock the door but couldn’t seem to do it.  I banged on the door louder and more desperate by now pleading, “Please Tyler answer me, I need to know that you’re OK”.  No answer.  I went back up to find something else to unlock the door, while I was searching Jake finally made his way downstairs and he noted right away from my face that something was wrong.  I told him “Tyler is in his computer room and the door is locked”. 

Jake walked straight downstairs while I continued to look for something to unlock the door.  I was interrupted by a scream from Jake “No! No! not again”.  I knew what that meant.  The door was unlocked so I guess my first attempt worked I just didn’t realize it, but Jake said he had been ready to break down the door if need be. 

I ran downstairs and found Tyler lying on the floor fully dressed, his head on a bean back and a helium tank beside him.  When I saw his face, I knew he was gone, his spirit had left his body.  Jake found him there with a garbage bag over his head and a hose from the helium tank into the bag.  Of course, Jake’s instinctive reaction was to jerk the bag off to see if Tyler was okay.  I was only barely downstairs, when I heard my daughter calling from the main floor “What happened?”  Jake’s scream woke her up.  I ran back up to her as quickly as I could.  Our niece Tina lived with us and also came out of her room to see what was going on.

I told Angeline what happened, and we went into the living room.  Jake came back up too. 

Angeline said, “this can’t be true, are you sure, did you call him?’

I went back downstairs, and Jake and Angeline followed me.  I called “Tyler come; Tyler come back” “God can you bring him back?”  I believe Jake called him yet too.  

Even though I had no idea that Tyler was suicidal with the realization that he had obviously been hurting far more then I had ever known came also this peace that he was now free and at peace. 

That first night we were at my sister’s house and Jake and I kind of just lay in bed and tried to rest, we would doze off every so often.  Once when Jake dozed off, he had this labored breathing and I woke him up thinking he had a nightmare.  He said, “I had a beautiful dream’ and told me about it.  He dreamed that Tyler had come back to life and wanted to celebrate with his friends that he was alive.  I loved it when Jake had these beautiful dreams.  Twice he had beautiful dreams about Roderick and that was always a precious gift from God.  To think the very first night God gave him a dream even though he was barely sleeping at all was very comforting and truly could only be from a very caring, loving God.  I hadn’t had dreams like that, I felt that was okay because we each had our own ways of receiving comfort and obviously God knew that Jake was the one who needed it. 
Later that night though, I woke up with a dream.  In my dream Tyler got into the back of the car, I was in the driver seat and I turned my head to look at him.  He asked me to drop him off at Teo’s house because his friends were together there.  We both knew that he had died and so I told him that he knew I couldn’t do that.  He said “I know” then I said look at me and he looked at me for several long moments and I woke up.  I told Jake my dream.  Later I found out that Tyler’s friends had been together at Teo’s house and that to me was even greater confirmation that these dreams were no coincidence but truly came from God.

I felt peace about the fact that Tyler was now free in heaven but the trauma so soon after Roderick went to heaven was almost more then our emotions and bodies could handle.  It was basically déjà vu, like the morning that we found Roderick was replayed with Tyler.  Jake and I could not see how we could go through this again.  It just seemed so impossible, those first five days we’d just cry in each other’s arms at times.  Also, we could not bare the nights.  Our bodies would just tense up in fear.  We just knew that something had happened to Angeline, our spirits knew that it wasn’t true, but it was like our mind or emotions refused to believe it.  We’d go check on Angeline and sometimes I’d just sit with her.  The amazing thing was that she could sleep.  She rarely noticed me coming in.  Other times we were to afraid to get up and go check.  We just lay in bed all tense. 

The 26^th in the morning I woke up at 3:00 and again I felt so tense and so scared.  I couldn’t get myself to go check on Angeline I just lay there almost trembling in fear, so tense was I.  At 5:00 I had enough, I got up and went to check on Angeline, when I went back to my bed, I felt my body relax and I felt a peace replace that fear.  I just lay in bed so relaxed and peaceful.  I was still awake at 6:00, Jake was awake by that time too.

 I don’t know when I fell back asleep but at 7:00 I woke up from this beautiful dream.  I dreamed that a lot of us loved ones were around a coffin and Tyler's body was in the coffin.  I remember he still wore the same clothes he was in when he passed away. Tyler got up and came to my side.  He commented on how much he loved all of us and I got all excited and grabbed him by the arms and said, “Do you want to stay? You can still stay!”  He put his arms around me and started to sob, then he said he wanted to go, Jesus had called him three times and He loved him very much.  I was so happy for him and never hesitated a moment, I just told him to go, “when I get there we will talk, and it will be like we have never been separated” I said and woke up.  I so clearly recall the joy I felt in letting him go to heaven and I truly felt it would only be a short time until I’d be there with him.  I started to cry and told Jake the dream, I knew then that we could do this.  I told Jake God really cares for us and he has a purpose for us.  For two months that fear was gone in the night.  I have later still struggled with anxiety a lot, but I now know we can do this.  I will not be surprised when I get to heaven if I will find out that Tyler told Jesus he needed to tell his mom and that God allowed him to come back in a dream to tell me.

Friends Remember Tyler

Tyler was an excellent student who cared for and respected others.  I will always remember how quickly he learned and how quickly he helped others to learn.

Tyler was an amazing poet, He read a poem to our class for a project.  We had to vote who’s was our favorite and out of 23 people in our class he got 17 votes.  He had a way with words that most people don’t.  He always made our class laugh and amazed us by how smart he was.  We will never forget his witty remarks and the friendship he gave to all of us. 

Tyler was a great Friend, he always wanted to help others.

I always turned to Tyler when I was hurting or something.  He always had the right answer for me.  He was very smart and kind. 

I was never really close with Tyler, but I can tell you that he was one of the most polite people I’ve ever met.  He spoke his mind and he was very bright. 

Tyler was in my class in grade six and we were never really close but he sure made everyone feel liked.  He was in my French classes and was always really funny and kind to everyone.

My favorite memory of Tyler was just last month when I was trying to figure out a good unisex scented candle.  When I asked Tyler his opinion, he said he would definitely burn a pine candle in his room.  So that was the one I bought and the boy who ended up getting the present loved it.

I was never that close with Tyler but I have been in his class since grade 6.  He could make everyone laugh and make the most insightful comments in class discussions.  Tyler was someone I could talk to knowing he would always listen and had the kindest responses.

I never really talked to Tyler but the one thing I admired about Tyler was that he knew so much about computers.  Whenever in class there were some computer problems he would come and help.  I really admired that and I found that really cool.

I never really got to know Tyler but from what I’ve seen, he is sweet and kind.  He helped me out with French and just made me laugh.

I did not really know Tyler but I will never forget how he helped me in French class.

Your presence to us has been a blessing.  Seeing you everyday in class and other activities.  You have been very active in gym class when we were in the same team.  We will always miss your smile and your love for us. 

Though I didn’t know Tyler that well, some of my favorite memories with him were in French class.  A group of us would always joke around during class.  Tyler was always really nice and hard working.

Tyler is one of the funniest people I met.  I’m a person that likes to talk to others and I’m really glad I started talking to him.  I wish I got more time to get to know him better.  Another thing:  Tyler is the second best master of the nose game.

I always remember sitting with him in class and always laughing at his great jokes.  I loved talking about the greatest new video game that just came out. 

Tyler was one of my first friends at MBCI and since then he was definitely my best friend.  My best memory is one I always think of when I think of him.  We were in that old abandoned railway track in his back yard, we climbed on top and we just talked, no worries, no problems, just us talking.  I’ll never forget that memory and I guarantee I will never forget Tyler.

It was always a good time when we were with Tyler.  I only knew him for a little over a year and he was the best friend I ever had.  He made all of us so happy.  One of my favorite memories was when our group of friends hung out at his house and had a great time.  We were always able to talk about anything and I will never be able to forget the good times we had together and the impact he has on our lives.

Tyler and I became friends in grade six and I would consider him the best friend that I’ve ever had.  He was the funniest kid in the grade and always seemed he had a witty remark to lighten the mood of things.  Not only was he funny he was also an incredibly deep thinker and I always admired his insight on the world.  I have many fond memories of Tyler.  Some of these memories include the time during a history lesson in grade six when I made a reference to a show we both enjoyed and we couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the lesson.  Another memory of Tyler I will always cherish was the time I spend with him this past summer when we biked to each other’s houses to watch movies and TV shows together, as well as engage in conversation abut topics that interested us.  My favorite time spend with Tyler was the conversations we had.  It didn’t even have to be about a topic that interested us.  We would talk about what we wanted to do when we are older. Funny stories about our childhood, our thoughts on recent events and our feelings.  There was no one else in the world I enjoyed talking to more then Tyler.  His friendship and kindness were real, and I’ve never met anyone more genuine then Tyler in all of my life.

Tyler was such a fun guy.  I think the time I was closest to Tyler would probably have been grade 6.  I would talk to him quite a bit from what I remember.  My favorite memory  was when we were on a field trip with Mr. Dahl at Bunscreek Park, first of all Tyler was the only one who forgot a jacket that day and it was pretty cold second of all the best part of the field trip, we were walking through the bushes and I had my phone recording and Tyler came up holding a leaf and said ”once I had a leaf and a bear peed on it with its urine” in a really funny voice and for the rest of the year we laughed about it.  It was really random but hilarious. 

I wasn’t super close to Tyler but he always smiled when we passed each other in the halls and was super friendly and nice when I did talk to him.   He was always so smart about computer stuff and I remember losing to a lot of Samsung vs Apple debates which was always funny cause I always lost cause he knew so much. 

Tyler was well loved at MBCI.  He had great friends and always had a smile. 

He had an amazing mind and had a lot of knowledge for many subjects.  His quick witty remarks always made me smile.  Tyler was polite and incredibly respectful.  Tyler brought a calming presence to many chaotic classes. 

Tyler was such a nice guy and was much appreciated at MBCI.  I remember that one time during an English debate where I completely didn’t know what to say when I was debating Tyler had my back the whole time and spoke my part and gave our debate team the lead.

Tyler was a good friend.  I appreciated him.  Ever since grade 6 he would always help me and vice versa.  He was funny, intelligent, peaceful and wise. 

Onetime Tyler sent facts as his streaks on snap-chat for like a lot of days and the last fact he sent was saying that all the things he had sent had been completely fake and most people believed him.  It was hilarious.

Tyler was my best friend.  I spent every lunch with him, enjoyed our sleepovers, long conversations and great debates.  He was the most intelligent person I knew; he could debate any topic and always knew just how to win an argument.

He 100% schooled me in PC Trivia

Tyler was the reason we loved games and brought our whole friend group together.

Tyler could always make me laugh; he was the funniest kid in class.

He was always the reason we had so much fun together all the time.  He was an all-around incredible person and I attribute many of my best qualities to him.  I will never forget the everlasting impact he had on my life.

I remember Tyler for his quietness and then he would drop in some witty comments and the class would have a good laugh.  He was thoughtful and kind and was appreciated for who he was.

Tyler was quieter but a very kind and respectful young man.

I have vivid memories of him in Kindergarten.  He was so bright and eager to learn

Tribute from Friends

When I think about Tyler, I fondly remember the good times we all had as friends.  From climbing on the train cars to hanging out in the basement.  We were always able to talk as friends; I don’t believe that I have a single bad memory of him.  Tyler was a guy who was always there for everyone.  Whether you did something wrong or did something right, he was there.  Whether you were his friend or not, you knew how big his heart was.  I can’t think of anyone that wasn’t his friend. When you look back on Tyler’s life there really was a legacy he left behind, so to speak, it was his friendship.  Whether he was helping us with homework or through a tough time.  He was a rock and I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone like him.  The guy never found fault with anyone else, ever! no matter how in the wrong someone was, he rooted for them.  Tyler was a friend and more importantly he was a brother to us and even if I tried, I don’t think I’m going to be able to forget or that any of us will forget the amazing person he was to me and to everyone else. 

 

Tyler was a brother to all of us, when no one else was around we always had him.  I’ll never forget all the good times we had together and the joy that he brought us. He made our lives better and we could not have asked for a better friend.  I’d only known him for a year, yet he was the best friend I’ve ever had.  He was able to touch our lives in a way that we will always remember.  He never spoke ill of anyone and I don’t think he ever understood what a truly wonderful human being he was.  He brought out the good in all of us and I can’t think of a single bad memory.  It won’t ever be the same without Tyler but we will carry his legacy forever and always.

Tribute by Cousins

Where do I even start, you were one of the most interesting, knowledgeable and fun-loving people in my life. I always admired how you never let a question stay a question.  If you were wondering about something, you’d simply look it up and two seconds later you would know the answer.  I would always learn something new when I was around you.  I always loved the fact that you were the only one so far to have given me a creative nickname.  You called me My Manda, so I was your Manda and you were my Ty.  I have so many stories that bring a smile to my face but a lot of them were just “you had to be there kind of moments”.  I’ll never forget the countless hours of easy video games we played because those were the only ones that I could play or you leading me through a virtual reality horror game telling me everything was fine right before I’d scream my face off because of a jump scare you didn’t mention was coming, you’d laugh at my reaction.  I watched my first anime with you and I always loved coming over to watch any anime series that we were currently on.  Making you laugh would always be a huge accomplishment for me because you always made me laugh and you friendly sound effects always lit up my day.  I remember you playing a video game and both of us just humming along to the music playing in the background over and over again.  Its going to be hard coming over and you not being there, say Hi and light up my day.  I’m so thankful for the time that we got to share together.  We’re gonna miss you so much but I’m looking forward to seeing you in heaven Tyler. 

                                                                                                            --Cousin Miranda

Tyler’s passing was and still is, a hard one to swallow. My mind has been racing since I heard; at our family gatherings we had in spite of this tragedy, I had a hard time having fun and not thinking about how I wouldn’t get to sit down with him and discuss issues that were of importance to no one but us.

We loved to delve into the deepest, most touchy subjects of theology and philosophy and politics. We’d discuss our philosophies on “the separation of church and state” or “socialism vs capitalism,” anything that plagued our minds. Although him and I often had very, very different views of the world, he had a listening ear that was not to be surpassed, and I regret to say that I can’t say the same for myself. I cannot recall who said this, but someone said, “It is the mark of a wise man to be able to entertain a thought, without accepting it,” and Tyler can be called a very wise man. Me being the slow talker that I am, I will always appreciate and miss the way he - although he did not agree with my view - listened to what I had to say till the end without a single interruption. I hate to say it but often I was guilty of reading material or researching just to stick it to his “wrong” viewpoint at the next gathering or the next time we met, but he wasn’t. He had a very busy mind, and lots of his questions and viewpoints were misunderstood by me and many others I’m sure, as an act of defiance or rebellion, when they were simply just part of his quest for understanding. Although I spent a lot of time trying to prove him wrong, it was never out of hate or spite, but it was misdirected love for him, I wanted to show him the “right” way to live. And for that I am deeply sorry. I will miss having someone who I can burden with my latest philosophical discovery, someone who listens genuinely from a heart of learning.

I could see a love in his eyes for everyone, especially for Angie. When he talked to Angie I could see the deepest care in his countenance, the care of a mother bear to its cub. I could see it in his eyes that if ANYONE would ever try to hurt her, he would be there to mess them up. It didn’t always seem like it because he would avoid human contact, but I always saw through that. When I would see him, he and I would smile, and he knew what was coming. He knew he’d have to fight away from a hug, and I’d have to chase him…but he wouldn’t fight very hard. He’d pretend to hate it but I knew that he loved to love and be loved.

Regardless of why this tragedy took place, I know that God aches and pains with us for the loss of what would’ve been one of his smartest, most cunning and strategical ambassadors to this earth. Tyler struggled with theology, and that shouldn’t be misunderstood as an atheistic viewpoint, it should be understood as a journey he needed to take to fully understand his faith. That is more effort put into his faith than many of us can say we’ve put in. I can say with full confidence that he would’ve come through that struggle with an understanding of God and faith like no other, I can also say that he would’ve lived without any man made religion, controlling rules, or tradition, because as many of us know, he was quick to point out the fallacies of these and they frustrated him. One more thing I can point out with full confidence and peace, is that, though he wrestled with his beliefs, our loving Father is currently showing him around his new living space, answering all the questions and frustrations that not many people here on earth would’ve taken seriously, with an understanding heart and a kind cadence, smiling with care at Tyler.

                                                                                    --Cousin Darwin

A Tribute to Tyler

A Tribute to Tyler

It is an honour today to be here to talk about Tyler on behalf of the teachers of MBCI.  Tyler was a special student to us all.

Saint Francis of Assisi once wrote, “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle”.

Today, I want to talk about Tyler’s light. I thought Tyler had star quality, and the light from his star was evident to us all.

Not too long ago, I was talking with Mr. Warkentine.  He said that on at least one occasion, he told Tyler that he thought he had a gift for the sciences, that perhaps he should pursue science.  I was taken a back a little, because, from my perspective, Tyler had a gift for French and that perhaps he should pursue becoming bilingual.  Then, I realized that Tyler is a just a bright kid, a star student.

I loved having Tyler as a student in French class.  I first taught him in Grade 6, then again in Grade 8, Grade 9 and Grade 10.  In Grade 6, I saw his potential right away.  I was in fact, slightly intimidated.  I thought that he must have had a really good French teacher and that I had to at least be as good as him or her.  I recall Tyler being a narrator for our many plays that we did back then.  La lune est tombe dans l’eau.  Who can forget that line!  Now, in Grade 6 French, we learn to say how old we are and what activities we enjoy, but back then, the moon falling in the water was a thing and Tyler did that thing very well.  He had excellent ease and pronunciation, he was a natural!

It was not just his success with the subject matter that stood out, it was also the way he treated others, his fellow students and his teachers.  He was kind, gentle and respectful.  He was someone we all enjoyed being around.  In Grade 8, he brought a sense of maturity, that is not an easy thing to do in Grade 8.  In Grade 9, he learned quickly how to talk about what he did yesterday, what he is doing today and what he is going to do tomorrow, all in French.  This included of course playing video games, doing homework, eating and sleeping in!

Tyler had a way about him that made others feel comfortable.

Simon sent me a message the other day that said, “Tyler was a good student but an even better friend. Last year, I was new to French.  When I did not understand something, I simply looked over at Tyler. He also helped me a lot with Math.”

Emily said, “Tyler came to MBCI in Grade 6 and I remember thinking he was the most funny and smart kid in the class. This year I've heard many students say how smart, athletic/fast, kind, funny, and "amazing at video games" Tyler was.”

Johann said, “Tyler was an amazing guy. He especially loved talking on an app called discord.  Every night you could find him there ready to have a conversation. He always put a smile on my face.”

Sarah commented, “Tyler made me smile. He was one of things that I looked forward to every time I had French class, no doubt about it.  All the memories I have of Tyler are full of such happiness and laughter.”

Sarah’s comment makes me think about a day, only about three short weeks ago when Tyler, Derrick, Sarah and Renee all touched their noses.  They did this to not be picked for something.  I don’t know exactly what they did not want to be chosen for.  I did not ask, I thought I would wait it out and see what they were up to.  Their fingers stayed on their noses for a solid 20 minutes.  It was not distracting at all. I never did figure it out.

Wes Koslowsky was Tyler’s English teacher.  Mr. Koslowsky has a lot to say about Tyler.  He deeply appreciated Tyler’s wit and creativity.  He described his mind as rich and fertile.  Mr. Koslowsky sees each one of us as creators, and he also saw Tyler as an extraordinary creator.

Mr. Plett was also touched by Tyler’s insight in Bible class.  In his Bible journal, he recently wrote, “Life is best lived and happiest in the company of others and not alone.”

Ms. Melendez appreciated how helpful he was in Nutrition class.  He always made the class easier to manage.

I guess what stands out for me is that Tyler knew how to treat others well, he was a calm spirit that inspired a high standard of regard for others and he also had a personal standard for academic achievement.

This past year, our French class had the opportunity to make a couple of videos for Manitoba Education.  I was eager for Tyler to show off, to be a star.  For our first filming, at the last minute, he decided not to participate.  I respected his wishes and did not push him.  He said he felt anxious and was concerned about what he would look like on the video.  I knew he would just look like a star, an awesome French student.  So, for the second filming, I really encouraged him, I pushed him.  In the end, he did it and Tyler shone.  His talent and his character came through.

Next Monday morning at school is going to be vey difficult.  Tyler’s presence will be missed.  It is my prayer that Tyler’s star light will continue to shine in our hearts and inspire us to work hard, to make others laugh and to love one another well.

To Jake, Lisa and Angeline.  May you find comfort in knowing that Tyler was a special student to us teachers and a special friend to his peers.  We will think of you often and truly wish you comfort.

I want to end by sharing a special message from Aden, one of Tyler’s dear friends.  I saved this for last because I know I will cry, so please bear with me.

“After meeting in Grade 6 we became friends, as you accepted me for being me. You were always there when I needed someone to talk to. I had a lot of fun playing video games with you, cycling to your home, watching movies with you and laughing together. However, my favourite time spent with you was just talking, simply talking and we talked a lot. It is not fair to sum up my thoughts in a few descriptive words, but I can only say this... your kindness, your honesty and your compassion were real. Tyler, you will always hold a very special place in the hearts of everyone who knew you. You will be missed so much. True friendship was your gift to me and for that I am truly grateful...Thank you.”

Sincerely,

Jodi Daly (Madame Daly, Tyler’s French Teacher)

Eulogy by Parents

LISA:  Tyler was born on March 18 2002, in the town of Arborg, Manitoba.  He was our second born son and we were thrilled with his arrival.  He was a very content and happy baby.  Roderick, his older brother by two years was also very exited to have a new brother as he would now have someone to play with on the family farm.  God had blessed us with two healthy beautiful boys.  Eighteen months later his younger sister joined the family.  Tyler was a generous person, the last Monday that Tyler was with us he mentioned that the French class wanted to buy a gift for their teacher, even though French hadn’t always been his favorite subject he really liked his teacher and he along with his classmates wanted to all chip in money to buy her a gift.  He had already given $5 of his own money but he said if there were some students that were not able to contribute, he wanted to make up the difference. When he came home, he asked for money but then added he should not even have asked because he would just give his own money.  Tyler had a very compassionate heart and was very sensitive to the feelings of others.  He was a very deep thinker and often worried about situations far beyond his maturity.  At the age of six Tyler would worry about not being able to be a good father when he grew up.  We would have long conversations about it and addressed his fear by teaching him about what God’s Word says.  As Tyler got older, he continued to think so deeply worrying and fearing that he would never be able to get a career that he enjoyed after college because no one would hire someone like him.  He could not seem to understand how gifted and talented he was.  His teachers have always told us that he was a very smart student and his grades reflected that.  Tyler enjoyed reading about things he was interested in and was a very good writer, he was also able to think critically about things before he formed an opinion.  During our conversations Tyler would often surprise us with how much information he knew about a large variety of topics. Tyler also had a great sense of humor and often made witty remarks which had everyone laughing.  Although he had so many wonderful gifts and was a blessing to us Tyler struggled with low self esteem.  Tyler did not seem to see himself as others saw him.  It brings me so much joy to know that he is now able to see himself for who he truly is an amazing funny and so very talented young man. 

JAKE:  Tyler was not afraid to share his belief in Jesus Christ.  There was an event that happened early in his life that helped strengthen his faith in God and it was something that Tyler still talked about.  I know that Tyler would like us to share it with you today.  In 2010 we moved to the city from our farm in Riverton, but we were back on the farm to do some work just before school started.  I had gone to the barn which was on my brother in law’s yard and my brother in law had gone to unload a load of square bales in the bale shelter.  Our three kids and his oldest son had gone with him to play on the bales.  My brother in law had unloaded part of the trailer and needed it backed up to unload the rest.  The youngest three kids were out of the way on the pile of bales in the shelter, so he told Roderick to back up the trailer.  The trailer was hooked to a small pickup truck.  Tyler had decided to jump onto the trailer and just as he landed the trailer jerked and he fell between the trailer and the truck on his stomach with his face down.  The truck tires drove right over him and the tracks were clearly visible on his back.  The tire drove unto his back underneath his shoulder blade on one side then over the other shoulder blade rubbing against the side of his head and ear.  There was dirt pressed into his teeth and ear, but Tyler got up on his own.  My brother in law came running to him to make sure he was OK and then came to tell me that Tyler had been run over by a truck.

LISA:  Jake quickly brought Tyler to the house and told me what happened but knew no details and I took him to emergency. Tyler would start to cry and then stop short.  He said it hurt so bad he needed to cry but it hurt too much to cry.  The drive to emergency was about 35 minutes.  On the way Tyler asked me to pray for him that the pain would go away.  I prayed for him and by the time we got to the hospital I had to keep him from falling asleep.

JAKE:  Meanwhile back at home I went back to my brother in law to see what had happened. That’s when my brother in law told me that Roderick had been the one driving the truck and looked up to see Roderick still sitting behind the wheel worrying about what had happened to Tyler.  I tried to comfort him saying Tyler would be fine.  We went back to the house with Roderick worrying about Tyler the whole time.  He tried to figure out what he could do for Tyler to make up for what he had done.  He wanted to use all the money he had in the bank to buy Tyler a bike. 

LISA:  Back at the hospital Tyler was taken in by the staff there and strapped to a board to protect his neck.  Tyler was taken in for x-rays and brought back into the room to wait for the results.  The doctor took a cloth and cleaned his face and teeth while chatting with Tyler.  When the x-rays were done, he left Tyler and me alone a bit to go look at them.  As soon as Tyler and I were alone Tyler started to cry not for pain but for Roderick.  He hoped that Roderick would not feel to bad because it wasn’t his fault.  The x-rays were sent to the city to specialists for closer observation.  At the hospital Tyler was completely relaxed and I couldn’t tell that he was in pain anymore although if I asked, he said his chest was still hurting.  When the doctor came back, he said there was no damage, and nothing was broken.  He unstrapped Tyler from the board and told him he could tell his friends that he was iron man, he could get run over by a truck and nothing happened to him.  Tyler said, “that’s not the reason”.  “What’s the reason?” the doctor asked.  “Are you a Christian?” Tyler asked.  The Doctor said he was, and Tyler said that was the reason God had protected him.  When Tyler got home, he told Roderick not to feel bad and Roderick was so happy to see him.  Tyler never doubted that a miracle had happened that day.

JAKE:  Tyler looked up to his older brother and was proud of his accomplishments.  After Roderick’s passing Tyler and Angeline got even closer as siblings.  He helped her whenever she needed help with her computer or phone and Tyler would let her know about a new video game, he knew she would enjoy playing.  Tyler found it easy to talk to his sister Angeline whom he dearly loved and even commented to friends that he wished everyone was as easy to talk with as his sister.  Tyler would also help us with our computer problems.  Just recently I tried for hours to fix a problem with my monitors and when I asked Tyler, he had it fixed with a few clicks of the buttons.  He built his first computer when he was 12.  You can see the computer he built in 2016 on the display in the lobby.  Tyler also enjoyed cooking.  We really enjoyed his meat loaf and enchiladas.  Several years ago, he did all the Christmas baking.

LISA:  Although Tyler’s passing will be difficult for us and we miss him so much we believe that God will give us the strength to live each day knowing that Tyler and his brother Roderick are now at home with their Savior.  What an amazing reunion they must have had.  Tyler was sensitive and compassionate to those who were hurting, and we need to continue to reach out to those who are hurting showing them love and kindness because we don’t always know the battles they fight.  Many people are praying for us and we ask you to continue to pray for Jake Angeline and myself.  We covet your prayers and know that we will only get through this with God.  Our love and faith in him have not changed.  Although we are devastated and full of sorrow from missing our sons God has given us a peace that passes all understanding.  John 14:1-3 says Let not your heart be troubled, ye believe in God, believe also in me.  In my father’s house are many mansions if it were not so I would have told you I go to prepare a place for you and if I go and prepare a place for you I will come again and receive you unto myself that where I am there ye may also be.

JAKE:  We will miss our boys each minute of every day but we know without a shadow of a doubt that one day we will all be reunited again and we will spend eternity together and we feel a special love from God and to all of you.  Thank-You