A bit of Angeline’s Story
Tyler went to heaven just before Christmas, so Angeline didn’t go back to school before January. I had decided that it was OK if she missed a lot in January, she only had to go to school if she wanted to, but she refused to miss. She often dreaded going and at lunch time she would often text me that it was a bad day and she couldn’t understand her lessons, but she wouldn’t let me pick her up. She would at times feel very alone over lunch as well and I was concerned but she felt if she missed one period, she would have an even harder time understanding. She spent so much time doing homework and was very hard on herself fearing her mark would go down. I constantly reminded her that it was quite alright if her mark would go down. She had been through a lot and nobody would look down on her if her mark went down. I was concerned and felt like she was being stretched to the limit and just hoped she wouldn’t snap although I didn’t know what that would look like. At the end of January, she got her report card. Her mark had gone way up, I found that hard to believe with all the stress she had been under. So, I came to the conclusion she must be putting so much stress on herself because it kind of kept her from feeling the pain of the tragedy she had endured in loosing her brothers. I don’t know if I was right or not.
After she got her report card I felt led to write the
teachers a thank-you for being there for Angeline and helping her in her tough
time to still excel in school but I also felt that if I did that I needed to be
careful what I said because I didn’t want to embarrass Angeline and I knew she
was quite sensitive when it came to that.
Even though this might seem like an easy thing to do I had this battle
inside. I should write but I don’t think
I can write an email that Angeline would be good with so then I should maybe
just not show her, but I can’t do that I need to let her read it first. So finally, I decided to write the email and
let Angeline read it and if she didn’t want me to send it I wouldn’t; at least
she would know what I would have liked to say.
I hadn’t planned to write a long email, but it ended up being long. This is the email I wrote and sent two years
ago.
First, this email is not meant
in any way shape or form to motivate or manipulate anybody to treat Angeline
more special then any other student or give her good marks for Angeline would
not celebrate her marks unless she knows she earned them, this is just a
beautiful testimony to the impact you guys have by just being who you are
anyway.
Secondly when I use terms like
‘the teachers favorite’ I’m not trying to imply that you teachers have favorites just solely the perspective of a young child. I know you guys
loved all of our three kids, Roderick who had such an amount of energy that he
was often a challenge in the class room, Tyler who I believe was very quick to
share his opinion when it differed from yours although I really don’t know how
you would see him because I literally never knew what was going on in his
grade, I never knew about any of his work or projects unless he needed
something that he couldn’t find in the house, his marks were always good the comments
on the report card were always good, he was a low maintenance kid, for lack of
better words, then there’s Angeline who’s the teachers favorite except that
she should share more although neither her nor you have ever said that but
you’ll get what I’m trying to say later.
Anyway, I believe Angeline seems
very stoic in class but that is not necessarily how she seems when she gets in
the car nor in the texts that come our way during lunch time. She has
really struggled going back to school, while school was a distraction for her
it was at the same time so stressful and overwhelming. When she wasn’t
doing well, and I would want to pick her up she refused for fear of missing
something and then not getting it. Even though she might seem to catch on
quickly she has to give it her all to focus enough to get what she is supposed
to do. On several occasions I strongly advised her to give up her
expectations and to be OK if her marks drop a bit in a time like this, she
can’t do everything. Since grade 6 it’s been her goal to just get high
honors even if just once, now it seems within her reach and she refuses to give
in though she has had weak moments on several occasions where she says she’s
quitting and dropping out of school but as she says it she knows she’s not
giving in.
Angeline seemed to feel this
pressure of having to now live up to her brothers and she couldn’t see how she
could do it. I have this book called Touching Heaven by Leanne
Hadley. She tells the story about a twelve-year-old boy who was
dying. He had 5 younger sisters and loved those sisters more then any brother
ever had, and he didn’t want to die because he always thought that God had him
born first so he could take care of his sisters. A couple nights before
he died, he had a dream and Jesus told him he could die in peace and that He
(Jesus) would allow him to take care of his sisters from heaven. I told
Angeline this story one night and told her that if God gave this little boy a
dream like that then why wouldn’t he allow Roderick and Tyler to take care of
her from heaven. Maybe God could still allow them to bring to her memory
the knowledge they had in whatever way He chose whether through other people or
just through thoughts or whatever. I don’t know how it will be when we
get to heaven, but this is a beautiful thought to me, and I encouraged Angeline
that she didn’t have to feel like she had to do this on her own.
When Angeline got into the car
on Thursday, I asked her how her marks were, I knew she got her report card
that day. You should have seen her face, she said “Great”. I said
“Really? That’s got to be really good because when I think your marks are great
you are usually still disappointed.” This mark to Angeline, Jake and I
was far more then just a good mark it was a confirmation of God’s great love
and care in our time of grief. He knew how much a good mark meant to
Angeline and I couldn’t help but think back to the story I had told her.
That night I told Angeline
another story. I started by telling her that she might think I was a mean
mom to have said something like this about my daughter, but I would tell her
anyway. Back when Angeline was in grade four and five her goal was to
become the teacher’s favorite. She had a friend who always had a hundred
percent, got all her work done in class, never had to be reprimanded in class
and she wanted to be like her. To her this was the teachers favorite kid. Now this wasn’t the case; her teacher talked fondly about Angeline
and her sense of humor etc. but he also said that Angeline had a hard time
focusing and was distracted so easily therefore often didn’t get the
instructions right and (you won’t believe this teachers) she was far more
interested in chatting with her friends then getting her work done. In
elementary Angeline’s teachers always talked about how chatty she was.
And she had such test anxiety that she failed quite a few of her tests. I
remember talking to a friend and telling her that it seemed Angeline’s greatest
goal was to become the teachers favorite. I said to her “Angeline is not
even teacher’s favorite material at all. Not what she perceives as
teacher’s favorite. I always thought she was so much like her brother
Roderick minus the high level of energy. She can’t sit still for long;
she gets distracted sooo easily and can’t get instructions, she always must be told
several times mostly because her thoughts wander before your done giving her
instructions. Studying isn’t her thing at all she’d much rather rump
around outside. She’s an amazing kid and has lots and lots of good
qualities but they’re not being a teacher’s favorite”.
When I told Angeline this story
she smiled and said, “Just goes to show that people can change”.
You know when Roderick and Tyler
went to be with Jesus a lot of stories have been told about them and we need
that, it helps us to keep going but here is a part of Angeline’s story and I
know it’s not over yet but I want to thank you all for the part you’ve played
in this story and allowed God to use you to bring comfort to our amazing
daughter.
Sincerely
Lisa, Jake and Angeline
After I wrote this email I told Angeline I had written an email to the teachers and she could read it and if she wanted me to change anything I would or if she didn’t want me to send it I wouldn’t. She went to read it but by the time she was done we already had company, most of my family came over that day. Angeline was quiet that day and didn’t seem to enjoy company very much so as soon as the company was gone, I went to check on Angeline to see how she was doing. She came to give me a hug and said, “I don’t deserve to have a mother like you” that was not what I had expected, I asked why she would say that and she said, “you wrote that email about me”. I said, “that’s how that made you feel, I thought you would think it sounded cheesy”. She smiled and said, “it kinda does”. “So, your ok if I send it?” I asked. She said yes. That’s when I realized why God prompted me to send it and why He wouldn’t let me send it without letting her read it.
